I don’t mean to, but somehow I end up watching “House Hunters” almost every day of my life. Is it always on? Is it watching me? It’s not that it’s a bad show, but some of the dumb and annoying things people say on there are absolutely unbelievable. Here’s a look at the 12 most annoying things buyers, sellers and realtors always seem to say on “House Hunters.”
1. Too Much for the Money
We all want a dream house, but nothing is more annoying than when someone meets with their realtor and says, “Well, I have to be in the nicest part of the city. A heliport would be a huge plus. I need 9 bedrooms, an IMAX theater, a fully staffed Starbucks and probably a moat. My budget? $314.”
2. The Realtor Ignores the Budget
On the flip side of that, sometimes the realtor will completely ignore the buyer’s budget and show them houses completely out of their price range. “This house has everything you asked for, plus a pool!” Oh perfect! How much is it? “Well I know you said your budget was $350,000, but this one is just $700,000! It’s slightly above your budget, but look at that view!”
3. “We Love Entertaining!”
How many dinner parties are these people throwing? Kid & Play didn’t have as many house parties as those couples. You aren’t hosting the Presidential Ball, so I’m sure your terrible friends are OK hanging out in the living room and the kitchen.
4. “I Wish It Was Centrally Located”
I understand if you’d like to be near work or family, but when a couple starts complaining that a house isn’t within walking distance of every member of their family, their job, the beach, the mountains, Chicago and Narnia, it gets a little old. Also, the place you’re looking for doesn’t physically exist so unless you’d like to live in an RV, you’re going to have to compromise.
5. The Asinine Complaints
Do they realize paint is replaceable? Don’t pass on a house because you don’t like the toilet seat cover. Just add $7 to your budget and go get a new one from Target. If a trip to IKEA would fix every complaint you have about a home, buy that thing immediately.
6. The Walk-In Closet Joke
I didn’t realize I was watching comedy hour! You gotta love that same, stupid joke where the lady walks into the closet and she says, “Well, this should be enough room … FOR MY CLOTHES! LOL!” Sometimes the guy will say it and sort of nudge his wife in a way where you can literally see the unhappiness in her eyes.
7. Pet Priority
You obviously want to make sure you take care of your pet, but if you pass on a house because your dog seems to have a negative energy when walking into it, just go live in the woods. He eats diarrhea. I’m sure he could adjust to a smaller backyard.
8. The Beach Debacle
Every person that lives in San Diego would like to live near the beach. That’s why you moved to San Diego. The problem is that if your budget is half of what a beach house costs, it’s not going to happen and if it does, your place will be tiny. For some reason, this concept is nearly impossible for buyers to comprehend.
9. The Super Bro
I saw an episode where a bro had his bro friends come over and test out the garage to make sure it met their approval. Come on, dude. Also if you use the term “man cave” you probably have a Scarface poster hanging in your bedroom. Please don’t ever say that on national television again, for your sake.
10. “We’ve Just Outgrown Our Old Place”
There are two of you and you lived in a three-bedroom house. Mathematically, you could not be more wrong. You could remedy this by selling some of the boxes of garbage piling up all over your hoarder-y house, or just admitting you want a bigger place for no other reason than you feel like it. Or just say the old place is haunted.
11. “Well, my parent’s house …”
It took your parents 20 years to buy their house. You’re 22 and your budget is $80,000 in a major city. You’re not going to be able to get a P Diddy house on your first try. You’re more in the range of Chingy or present-day Ja Rule.
12. Crown Molding
Please shut up about crown molding. No one sits in their living room and thinks “Wow, look at that crown molding. If that wasn’t here this house would be a toilet.”
