This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

FRIEND: Pretend like you’re not too interested

ME: Ok

[later]

DATE: My grandmother recently passed away

ME: Who cares

— Hippo (@InternetHippo) April 20, 2016

Thanks, motion sensor restroom sinks, I only wanted to wash my hands for 0.0000251 seconds anyway

— Bonez (@T_Bonezzz_) April 24, 2016

pic.twitter.com/wR5iFDRMUL

— shut up will (@AmericanAssh0le) April 23, 2016

I hate to cancel. I know we made plans to get together tonight but that was two hours ago. I was younger then, and full of hope.

— Marly (@VerbsRProudest) October 3, 2014

Is coral the stupidest animal or the smartest rock

— Little REW Corvette (@therealeatwood) January 13, 2016

history books should probably just skip 2016 pic.twitter.com/SGA7Ludp3S

— sean. (@SeanMcElwee) April 23, 2016

I’m literally crying pic.twitter.com/5IWd14bzKA

— Jenny Pancakes (@SteampunkMuppet) April 24, 2016

I bet when your life flashes before your eyes, you have to watch a 10 sec YouTube ad.

— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) May 3, 2016

The amount of ppl that trash talk in comment sections is startling. Like screenshot and text your friends like a normal person

— steph stone (@stephstonenails) April 20, 2016

be careful who you call ugly in middle school pic.twitter.com/cbxfawViBx

— good opinion haver (@oxygenplug) April 22, 2016

Thanks for the fun trivia, Rob! pic.twitter.com/QSfEGlEP0G

— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) April 21, 2016

Imagine Being a Stripper And Having To Pick This Up Every Nite She Staring At Your Soul pic.twitter.com/kzmLyfmx5h

— IG & SC: SirAbiola (@SirAbiola) April 20, 2016

WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY “WHAT DID I JUST WATCH” ARE THESE PEOPLE NOT SEEING THAT YOUTUBE VIDEOS HAVE TITLES I MEAN THE ANSWER IS RITE THERE

— Flula Borg (@flula) April 20, 2016

Chief cop: “This might be racially motivated.”

Ian: “Hate crime?”

Chief cop: “We all hate crime, Ian. That’s why we are cops.”

— Ste(ph)en (@stephenjmolloy) April 12, 2016

*finally finds comfiest position in bed*

bladder: so you’re not going to believe this

— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) January 28, 2016

before and after making a Twitter account pic.twitter.com/NKnumimB1K

— ben (@benjamillions) April 19, 2016

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one–OH YOU WANNA MERGE? BY ALL MEANS DON’T WAIT FOR ME TO SIGNAL YOU IN”

–Robert Frost 2016

— batkaren (@batkaren) March 9, 2016

You’re all acting like you’ve never seen a grown man in a bath robe run full-speed through a museum before.

Get real.

— Scotty (@MarylandMudflap) May 4, 2016