Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets compiled for your viewing pleasure. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with yourself. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
never go to pita pit ever OMFG literal dead ants all over my chips and I thought it was seasoning so I ate them pic.twitter.com/hOjfH5RPZE
— Emily Wagoner (@eWags10) September 13, 2016
me: do you know what sarcasm is?
daughter: no I do not, please enlighten me, father
me: ok, well it mea-*squints eyes* wait a minute…
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) September 20, 2016
“Why am I not asleep?” he thought, while shining a beam of pure information directly into his eyes from eight inches away.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) September 25, 2016
How girls look when they walk around campus pic.twitter.com/4HMMBhwVU4
— Andrew Casen Pouland (@andrewpouland) September 6, 2016
WHAT KINDA WEEDMAN IS THIS LMFAOOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/18ybSUQQxk
— BABY G (@deryxok) September 20, 2016
Iconic. pic.twitter.com/yknBQCsDRx
— jimmy (@JimmyFineAss) September 19, 2016
*record scratch*
*freeze frame*
yup thats me. youre probably wondering how i ended up in this situation pic.twitter.com/qImIiOYpQ1
— mr daddyman (@dimpledbutt666) August 30, 2016
one sec baby lemme set the mood pic.twitter.com/5nE7Di7ToS
— mr daddyman (@dimpledbutt666) September 20, 2016
Do you ever see a photo of yourself from high school that’s so bad you wish you could go back in time and bully yourself
— Sam Escobar (@myhairisblue) September 23, 2016
anyone who says u need money to have fun has obviously never taped two plates together. that’s Heavy Frisbee. the game that Might kill you
— beth (@imteddybless) September 25, 2016
Boy id pay $5 a gallon before I live in Oklahoma https://t.co/Yiv1S5tJcu
— Rob Lucci (@NawRob) January 20, 2016
Whoa this debate is gonna be awesome pic.twitter.com/0eSkHUZviI
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) September 25, 2016
Scottish people and twitter is quality material. pic.twitter.com/ql6y7EoqP9
— Hanzo半蔵 (@MarkHamiIl) September 20, 2016
“You talk differently on Twitter”
What do you want me to scream “LOOOOOOOOL” and go “skksksksksksksk” in real life?
— tosin (@z4chary_) September 2, 2016
Who the fuck are y’all?? https://t.co/4e0EGSsImz
— Abracadabra sum shii (@hesjustniceee) July 21, 2016
me: i’m done entertaining his ass
him: hey
me: pic.twitter.com/GpE8E5EQXQ
— (@badgalzak) September 21, 2016
LMFAOO that escalated quickly pic.twitter.com/0KndBY7Gze
— princess butterfly (@lemonheadbunny) September 24, 2016
One of my favorite moments from Jose Fernandez.. He will be missed pic.twitter.com/MB0mlb7yus
— Not Domingo Ayala (@NotDomingoAyaIa) September 25, 2016
yall dont think i read replies to my tweets huh? in my mentions like “choke me daddy”. is that funny to you beth pic.twitter.com/Y0MzGsjRi5
— jake (@callmeshitto) September 14, 2016
not sure if i caught her or she caught me pic.twitter.com/WwyqxMujns
— cole hersch (@ColesTwitt3r) September 21, 2016
