You spend most of your waking hours at work, so it’s inevitable that at some point in your career, your dating life and your professional life will intersect. You’ll bump into a cute co-worker at the copy machine and before you know it, you’ll make plans to meet up for a cocktail after quitting time. One drink turns into three and soon you’re stumbling through their bedroom door and clothes are hitting the floor. While dating a co-worker might seem innocent and innocuous at first, the potential for your fling to blow up in your face is high. Dating a co-worker is majorly distracting. Office romance sparks gossip. And if you two are spotted canoodling in the custodial closet, it could cost you your job and mar your reputation for years to come. If you simply must see where the attraction leads, we have some tips on how to do just that without pissing off your boss.
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Dating Coworkers
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Do your research.
Yeah, yeah, rules were made to be broken, but when it comes to workplace relationships, do your digging before you start breaking things. That contract you signed when you started? It probably says something about what the dating guidelines are at your company. Not many people are worth losing your job for, so make sure you understand the rules and follow them. This might mean you don't pursue in the first place. Or it might mean you notify human resources once you're in an official relationship.
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Be stealth.
Interested in a co-worker in another department but don't how to break the ice? Put out a feeler with someone you do know who works with them. Maybe they can make an introduction. Don't do this often, lest the rumors of your Lothario nature start spreading like STDs.
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Start with a small compliment.
When testing the waters at work, you have to be very careful. If you're unsure if someone is into you, start with a small compliment. Their reaction should tell you everything you need to know about whether or not to proceed.
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Be discreet.
There's nothing worse than someone blasting the details of their personal life to anyone within earshot. Don't use pet names at work. Don't massage your co-worker's shoulders in the break room. Don't argue about meeting each other's parents at the company picnic. Whatever happens between you and your co-worker during your off-hours should stay on the down-low at work.
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Don't proposition your co-worker in the workplace.
Sweet nothings and erotic innuendo do not belong in the workplace. When you think your coworker might be receptive to sleeping together, take them out for a drink, dinner, or a date first, then drop the "Are you DTF?" bomb.
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Don't get distracted.
You're infatuated! It's a wonderful feeling. But you still have a job (and thank goodness for that), so make sure you keep it. (Unemployed people are not in high demand in the dating market.) Keep your focus at work. No secret IMs, no sexting, no nudes. Work as if you never even met the co-worker you're sleeping with.
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Don't treat them differently than your other co-workers.
People often think they can keep their mouths shut about workplace relationships, and they might be right, but their body language betrays them. Teasing, caressing, inside jokes, and excessive smiling are all dead giveaways that you two are dating. Clamp it down and remember that at work, they're your co-worker first and your crush second.
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Keep your hands off each other.
Sure, getting laid at work is a common fantasy, but it's one that should never be acted on. The risks are too high and the rewards are probably lower than you'd expect (i.e. sex on a copier just isn't that comfortable). You don't want one impulsive quickie to be what you're known for in the field.
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Don't gossip.
Nobody needs to know you two are dating (except possibly HR, as discussed above). And work certainly isn't the place to troubleshoot any relationship issues, ask people's opinions about who you're dating, or get tips on that seal-the-deal meal you're planning. Talk about anything else, please.
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Leave work at work.
When dating a co-worker, it's easy to slip into shop talk because for once, your partner knows exactly who and what you're talking about. But don't spend your whole relationship rehashing what just happened at work. Declare your off-the-clock time together as all pleasure and no business.
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Don't date your boss.
Personally, this is never a good idea. Professionally, it's rarely ethical if your company has any kind of moral compass. Dating is for co-workers on the same level of the corporate hierarchy, not for those who supervise you, sign your pay checks, or otherwise have complete and total power over you.
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Have an exit strategy.
You never know where a relationship will go, so before you put your career on the line to date a co-worker, make sure you have an employment backup plan. If the relationship goes well, you might want to leave your current employer just to have some breathing space from your new squeeze; if it all goes to shit, you're going to want to never see them again. Start polishing that resume now.
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Respect boundaries.
Just because a co-worker says they don't want to date you doesn't mean it's the end of the world. They may genuinely like you and enjoy working with you, but their career matters more to them than getting their rocks off. Or, maybe you dated a few times and then they say they just want to be friends. Honor their boundaries respectfully. It's probably for the best, anyway. Any relationship you have to force is not worth having.
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Keep it civil.
When dating a co-worker fails miserably, you're going to be tempted to seek revenge. You might want to spit on their food in the break room or sabotage that project they've been working on. Don't. As far as everyone else in the office is concerned, you don't know each other outside of your professional roles.
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Lawyer up.
If at any point you cross the line, something gets misinterpreted, your boss seems really pissed, or you get fired for dating a co-worker, it might be time to call an employment lawyer. Consultations are often free and an attorney can tell you exactly just how much hot water you're in and what it will take to get out. How you're going to afford representation, well, that's a whole other problem. Side-hustle, anyone?
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Support each other.
Dating someone you work with isn't easy. If you've managed to make a go of it, go ahead and high-five like dorks. Just do it in private.
