There’s something undeniably kindred about Elon Musk’s Cybertruck and Kanye West’s Foam Runner. Beyond the obvious factors like their hideous appearance and lack of inner beauty, there exists a connective tissue extending as if from both men themselves. (Even their names ring alike. Musk, West. Kanye, Elon.) And from these two towering personalities springs forth a twin ego, like a firehose on full blast, that drenches everything they do. Today we dare to compare these icon’s inner geysers by examining their latest creations, the Tesla Cybertruck and the Addidas Yeezy Foam Runner. Which one will crash and burn along the berm of existence and which will go the distance?
Photo: FREDERIC J. BROWN (Getty Images)
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Whether we like it or not, we live in a world of billionaires. And what happens when you give an egomaniac billions of dollars to run amok? Best case scenario, they push their ideas onto us through sheer market force, shaping the world we live in fundamental ways (even if their ideas are bad or ill-conceived). But, wait – is Kanye West actually a billionaire? According to Forbes, he’s worth about a quarter million, despite the fact that West “showed them receipts,” at the New York Times’ Dealbook Conference in November allegedly proving otherwise. This means West’s net worth is only about one percent of Musk’s, yet his ego, on the other hand, is just as gargantuan.
Overall “Winner”: Kanye West
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Tesla Truck v Yeezy Shoe
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Concept
Yeezy's runners are allegedly made from a combination of petroleum-based ethylene-vinyl acetate and foam produced from algae. Tesla trucks were inspired by Back to the Future and an '80s brick phone.
Winner: Kanye West
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Shape
They are the exact same shape. Like, the exact same.
Winner: Tie
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Design
Tesla looks like they only had an 8-bit Atari at their disposal when designing the Cybertruck. By the same token, the Foam Runners look like a wedding cake was eaten by a gang of stray cats and vomited up in the shape of a foot prison.
Winner: Tie
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Quality
The Tesla truck survived the hammer test, but failed on the ballistics test. The Yeezy shoe is Swiss cheese made from foam.
Winner: Elon Musk
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Value
Tesla plans to sell their Cybertruck for roughly $40,000. Yeezy plans to retail his foam shoe for around $75. But considering you can spray your foot with foam insulation for $1.50 per foot, $75 seems kind of steep.
Winner: Elon Musk
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Innovation
To be fair, it's pretty hard to reinvent the shoe. However, if the runner truly is a green shoe that biodegrades in a perfect life cycle, it would be a horse of a different color. On the other hand, one of the funniest bullet points during the Cybertruck’s unveiling was the actual point about bullets. During Musk's speech, the giant screen behind him read “9-millimeter full metal jacket, 115 grain, 10 meters,” in an attempt to brag about the truck's "indestructible" windows. Just what kind of world, exactly, is Tesla envisioning here?
Winner: Kanye West
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Usefulness
Last year there were 27 billion pairs of shoes manufactured. By comparison, there were only two million electric cars made. And out of that two million, zero of them were pickup trucks.
Winner: Elon Musk
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Crowd Reaction
Despite not having much to go on, half the people are already stoked for both products. The other half are rolling their eyes so far into the back of their heads they have to see a doctor.
Winner: Tie
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Product As Advertised
All of these points aside, if the products are not as advertised, people will skip them. Will Yeezy be responsible for the cultural buy-in of sustainable footwear? And will Tesla break new ground in the land of pickup trucks, forcing competitors like Ford to step up their game? Only time will tell, but ugliness notwithstanding, we hope they succeed for sustainability's sake.
Winner: TBD
