Nowadays it seems financial leaks happen as often as hurricanes. And the Pandora Papers is this season’s 12 million page document dump that hosts more heads of state than the Olympics. Not to mention a few very famous celebrities.
Past honorees of the offshore tax shelter games listed in the Panama and Paradise Papers include lovable faces like Jackie Chan, Bono, Kelly Clarkson, Madonna, Justin Timberlake, and The Queen. The list also includes major Universities and megacorps, like Amazon who survived for 20 years in the red on billions in government subsidies only to pay it back in two Jeff Bezos-shaped middle fingers.
Of course, nobody ever gets in trouble when these things come out. It’s too embarrassing to punish rich people for being rich. After all, don’t you kind of feel bad for them when they see the hit they’ll take on their new superyacht if they don’t find some kind of loophole? We feel the same thing when we order pizza and discover a mysterious $2 charge tacked onto our bill. #relatable
Maybe rich people don’t want to pay taxes because they don’t like how the money’s being spent? Until the day we can upvote how our tax dollars are spent using color-coded pie charts via Twitter, it looks like multi-millionaires and their billionaire friends will continue to outplay the rest of us in the big leagues of tax dodgeball.
See who made the shortlist this season and who didn’t. Then feel free to make predictions on who’ll be on next year’s list.
Cover Photo: Phillip Faraone (Getty Images)
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Pandora Papers 9
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Elton John - Net Worth $500 Million
Listen, guys, that exquisite collection of sunglasses doesn't pay for itself, okay? Nuff said.
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Shakira - Net Worth $350 Million
Hips don't lie. And neither do formerly undisclosed tax documents.
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Julio Iglesias - Net Worth $700 Million
How can you not love a man who steals hearts and millions of dollars with a smile like that? Just take it, Julio, you sexy rascal.
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Swedish House Mafia - Net Worth $100 Million
We knew these guys were kind of douchey, we just didn't know why. Oh yeah, the music.
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Claudia Schiffer - Net Worth $70 Million
How can we stay mad at Claudia Schiffer? It's literally impossible.
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Ringo Starr - Net Worth $400 Million
The most pointless Beatle is worth nearly half a billion dollars. Which was confusing until we realized he's a tax cheat.
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Tony Blair - Net Worth $50 Million
We can understand why the former Prime Minister of Britain is dodging taxes. Is $50 million even considered living? And more importantly, hoes mad?
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Nike - Revenue $36 Billion
Since corporations are people too, we'd thought we'd give a shoutout to Nike, who continues to be a major competitor in every offshore tax leak since 2012.
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Apple Inc. - Revenue $2 Trillion
At what number trillion does it feel right to pay taxes? Asking for a friend.
