It was only a matter of time before audiences were going to be on the receiving end of a summer like 2016. This year was a non-stop cavalcade of expensive flops, high-profile disappointments and films that were merely adequate enough to entertain a little more than the competition. And while blockbusters have always been a “hit or miss” proposition for movie studios, rarely have so many non-starters come out in such a rapid succession, interspersed with – often – films that opened well and then proceeded to crap out after a single, solitary week.
This, dear readers, is what happens when you pander. When you replace ingenuity with franchising, and rely on audience familiarity instead of novelty, you tend to breed an environment of placidity amongst your audience. Or worse, you breed contempt. A new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie isn’t an event anymore, it’s just the latest in a long line of nostalgia cash-ins. A movie based on Warcraft isn’t giving audiences what they want, it’s just taking something audiences already like and putting it in a new medium. It’s just more stuff, not important stuff, not the sort of thing that puts butts in seats in a crowded marketplace that currently churns out blockbusters (and would-be blockbusters) all year round.
Also: One Crazy Summer | The Best Movies of Summer 2016
Some have argued that this has been the worst summer movie season in years. Heck, maybe it’s even worth throwing the word “ever” into the mix. For although there were quite a few genuinely good films this summer, there were so many genuinely bad ones that limiting ourselves to just ten was a chore in and of itself. But we tried, dear heaven we tried.
So let’s take a look at the worst of the worst, from the worst summer movie season on record. These are the worst movies of the hottest months of the hottest year in human history. They weren’t even worth their ticket price in air conditioning.
The 10 Worst Movies of Summer 2016:
Top Photos: EuropaCorp / Walt Disney / 20th Century Fox
The 10 Worst Movies of Summer 2016
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10. The Legend of Tarzan
Narrowly edging out the preposterous Independence Day: Resurgence - which was at least stupid enough to be entertaining - is the blandly reverent return of Tarzan. The plot is boilerplate, the romance is passionless, and only the stampede climax could be described as even vaguely exciting.
Photo: Warner Bros.
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9. Suicide Squad
A team of supervillains assemble, and assemble, and just keep on assembling for half the movie, then they fight personality-free monsters and defeat the bad guy with the power of friendship. Will Smith brings class, Margot Robbie and Jared Leto add some much needed vitality, but everything else about Suicide Squad is generic, poorly edited and frustrating.
Photo: Warner Bros.
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8. Nine Lives
Nobody expected a film in which Christopher Walken turns a billionaire Kevin Spacey into a sassy cat to be "good," but there's no sense in rewarding Nine Lives for living up to some very low expectations. It's a lame, unfunny family movie about the importance of putting your family first. Kevin Spacey couldn't sound more bored if he tried.
Photo: EuropaCorp
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7. X-Men Apocalypse
A swirling miasma of CGI pointlessness completely distracts from a likable teenaged cast of characters. A whole film about the heroes hanging out at the mall would have been more exciting than a battle with personality-free bad guys and defeating the monster with the power of friendship.
Photo: 20th Century Fox
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6. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice - Ultimate Edition
The theatrical release came out in March, but the fans and filmmakers insisted that the Ultimate Edition was an entirely new experience. Sadly, it was mostly just longer: Lex Luthor's plan is more detailed, revealing just how ludicrous it always was, and the fundamental problem - that Superman and Batman are jerks, and the film fails to successfully develop their characters - wasn't fixed either. So fine, we'll treat it as a new movie. But it's another bad one.
Photo: Warner Bros.
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5. Batman: The Killing Joke
Warner Bros. adapted a classic Batman story with uncomfortable overtones, and they tried to take the edge off by making Batgirl - who gets shot in the spine over the course of the story - a more important character. But the additions to the tale are so awkwardly shoved into the (previously tightly woven) storyline that they do everyone - including Batgirl - a terrible disservice. All the bad parts are uncomfortable, and none of the good parts work anymore.
Photo: Warner Bros.
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4. The Do-Over
Adam Sandler's latest Netflix Original Movie starts out okay - a pair of unhappy men fake their deaths and steal the identities of millionaires - but the rest of the film is rife with shocking homophobia and violent misogyny, on the part of the "heroes" no less. The Do-Over stops being funny about 20 minutes in, and then it never makes you laugh again.
Photo: Netflix
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3. Alice Through the Looking Glass
Pretty to look at, painful to think about. This lousy attempt to fill in the blanks of a story that made no sense on purpose is an ill-conceived nightmare, one that makes previously likable characters responsible for atrocious mass murder. Let us never speak of it again.
Photo: Disney
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2. Jason Bourne
Jason Bourne is back in exactly the sort of soulless action movie pap that the Jason Bourne movies rebelled against in the first place. A tedious chase story that goes nowhere, riddled with plot holes. One of the worst action movies in years.
Photo: Universal Pictures
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1. The Darkness
The tried-and-true horror trope of a family torn apart by allegorical supernatural strife falls completely apart in this haphazard "thriller," about a household full of people whose problems are barely even affected by the plot, and are solved on their own, usually without incident. The Darkness is boring and pointless from frame one, and a serious contender for the worst movie of the year.
Photo: Universal Pictures
