by Nick Nadel
After nine seasons of Robin Sparkles songs, slap bets and that weird episode where Britney Spears played a receptionist, “How I Met Your Mother” is drawing to a close on March 31st. While we’ve already met The Mother, we still don’t know exactly how lovelorn Ted will meet her. This has led to all sorts of speculation about how the series will end. Also, since we’re in the lull between the end of “True Detective” and the next season of “Game of Thrones,” the Internet needs something to obsess over.
Will any of the many fan theories play out in the no-doubt legen-wait for it!-dary finale? Read on as we uncover just a few of the many nutty theories about how the long-running CBS sitcom will wrap up.
The Mother Is Dead
The most popular finale theory has it that The Mother is dead in the future where Older Ted has been regaling his terminally bored children with tales of his swinging single days pining over every woman that came within 10 feet radius of him.
The entire basis for this theory comes from The Mother’s line to Ted about what kind of mother would miss her daughter’s wedding. Ted then gets emotional, causing The Mother to change the subject to Barney’s nutty antics. Thus, fans are wondering if the show will reveal that the mother is dead in the future where Ted is trying to get his kids interested in multiple “slap bet” stories.
Even though Cristin Milioti, the actress who plays The Mother, has called this theory “insane,” fans are still wondering why Ted gets so emotional at the thought of his wife not being at their daughter’s wedding. Though, admittedly, it doesn’t take much to make Ted turn into a blubbering mess of feels.
The Mother’s Not Dead, But She’s Dying
So if she’s not dead, it could be that The Mother is sick when Ted gets emotional about the idea of her missing their daughter’s wedding. Fans have pondered that perhaps the mother will suffer a future health scare during the finale, but will end up fine and come in at the end with milk and cookies to save the kids from hearing yet another inappropriate story about their sociopathic Uncle Barney’s sexual conquests.
This theory is actually far more likely than the death one considering how the HIMYM writers love to pull heartstrings with cheap narrative tricks. And what’s cheaper than the ‘ol “one of the characters has TV cancer but then she’s fine a scene later” bit?
The Color Theory Explains Why Robin Was Never Going to be “The Mother”
A popular fan theory boils Ted’s two great loves – Robin and The Mother – down to two colors that are on opposite ends of the color spectrum. The Mother has been associated with the color yellow thanks to her first appearance carrying an oversized yellow umbrella like some adorable moppet out of a whimsical French children’s book. Meanwhile, many fans believe that Robin is Ted’s “purple giraffe,” a reference to the second episode of the series where Robin reports on a story about a kid getting stuck in a crane game machine while trying to retrieve a stuffed toy. (Get it? Ted is the greedy kid trying to get the purple giraffe that is always out of his reach.)
Furthering this theory is the scene in the season 7 episode “No Pressure” which closes the door on Robin and Ted’s potential future as a couple. As fans with a lot of time on their hands have pointed out, everyone in the cast wears purple during the episode. But then there’s a ray of hope when Ted is surrounded by yellow umbrellas.
While the idea that the writers always intended Robin and The Mother to be each other’s opposites is interesting, it was recently debunked by the show’s costume designer. Turns out Cobie Smulders just looks good in purple, which we could’ve told you since she looks good in literally anything.
A Widowed Ted Ends Up With Robin
Fans who still hold out hope that “Tobin” (that’s a ‘shipper portmanteau, right?) will happen believe that after The Mother died, Ted shacked up with Robin Sparkles herself.
One thing that gives Tobin fans hope is the episode where Marshall says that he isn’t ready to acquiesce on his bet with Lily about whether or not Ted and Robin will end up together.
Of course, this theory presupposes that Robin and Barney will get divorced, which would be really unsatisfying considering that an entire season of television has been devoted to their seemingly endless wedding. (Though Barney could still die thanks to a well-placed crane kick courtesy of his rival Ralph Macchio.)
One huge problem with this theory is that Future Ted always refers to the kids having an “Aunt Robin” during his many stories. And it would be pretty creepy if Ted made his kids call their new mom “Aunt Robin.”
Barney Meets the Big Bro in the Sky
Co-creator Carter Bays was quoted as saying that the finale is “really heartbreaking,” so therefore someone must die. (Or, you know, he could just be sad that his cash cow TV series is ending.)
If The Mother lives, perhaps it’s Barney who fist-bumps the Great Bro in the Sky. This would free up Robin to end up with Ted. As for The Mother, uh, she also dies to explain Ted’s line about their daughter’s wedding. Then at Barney’s funeral, Ted and Robin reconnect. That should please the Tobin fans. Also, who knew “How I Met Your Mother” fans were such a morbid bunch? Clearly they want the finale to be bloodier than the end of Breaking Bad.
Ted Has Alzheimer’s
Another explanation for why Ted is regaling his children with detailed stories about his past is that he’s doing it because he’ll soon lose all of his memories to Alzheimer’s-related dementia. Ted gets emotional at the idea of his daughter’s wedding because he knows that he’ll soon forget everyone in his life.
This theory doesn’t totally hold water because it assumes that Ted already has Alzhemier’s during the scene where he talks with The Mother about Robin and Barney’s wedding. Ted looks older in that scene, but not old enough that he’d be a candidate for Alzheimer’s. Yes, the disease can strike younger people, but something tell us creators Craig Thomas and Carter Bays aren’t going to use the final episode of their long-running sitcom as a platform for early Alzheimer’s screening awareness.
Ted Is Dead/Danny Tanner Is the Father
This theory only works if you take the title of the show super literally. The idea is that Ted is dead in the year 2030 and Bob Saget (who is the voice of Future Ted) is playing The Mother’s new husband who is telling Ted and The Mother’s kids the story of how he met their mother.
Proponents of this theory point out that Bob Saget has never been credited as “Future Ted” and therefore could be playing another character. Hold up – maybe Bob Saget has been playing Danny Tanner all along! See, at the end of Full House, Danny cryogenically freezes himself and then wakes up in the year 2030. For some reason he’s at Ted’s funeral (maybe he works with Robin on “Wake Up, New York” which explains how he knows everything about Ted’s life) which is where he meets The Mother.
Then, Danny and The Mother start a new “full house” full of children who sit quietly and listen to longwinded tales of the mating habits of moneyed white people during the ’00s. Oh, and Kimmy Gibler shows up as their robot neighbor. Forget How I Met Your Dad – this is your spin-off right here, CBS!
The Kids Are Ghosts
This theory explains why the kids never age during Ted’s rambling stories. (Seriously, did he need to tell them about the time Uncle Marshall went on the search for the perfect hamburger?)
Basically The Mother and the kids died tragically (let’s say in a car accident while shopping for a birthday gift for Ted because the show loves bittersweet irony), so Ted is all alone, recounting the story of how he met the love of his life to his ghost children. So the kids are always the same age just like how Casper the friendly Ghost is perpetually a child. Basically all the secrets of “How I Met Your Mother” can be found within the pages of “Casper the Friendly Ghost” comics.
Ted and The Mother Couldn’t Attend Their Daughter’s Wedding Because of Putin
One creative theory that popped up on Reddit explains why The Mother couldn’t make her daughter’s wedding. Basically Russia invades America in the year 2016 and Vladimir Putin outlaws gay marriage. Ted and the Mother’s daughter is a lesbian, and therefore she couldn’t get married, hence Ted tearing up over The Mother not being to attend her own daughter’s wedding.
Yeah, this one probably isn’t going to happen. (At least let’s hope not.)
The Future Scenes Take Place During a Zombie Apocalypse
Personally, we’re hoping that the final scene of the series pulls out to reveal that Ted and his kids are inside of a bunker during the zombie apocalypse of 2030. In an effort to calm his children and keep his sanity, Elder Ted tells them the world’s longest “meet cute” story. Of course, the kids get bored after dad’s 1,000th digression, which explains their look of perpetual annoyance during the framing sequences. But what else are they going to do, go out and get eaten by zombies?
So they sit, listening to their dad tell yet another story about Barney’s playbook and Robin’s chirpy coworker Patrice when suddenly the bunker door bursts open and in comes The Mother except that she’s a zombie because, again, zombie apocalypse. And right behind her is Zombie Robin and Zombie Lily and Zombie Barney and Zombie Marshall who funnily enough shows more life as a zombie than he ever did during nine seasons of the show. And, uh, Zombie Martin Short’s character from a couple seasons ago is also there because Martin Short is always awesome. Then all the zombies devour Elder Ted as his children sigh in relief that the story has finally, finally, come to a satisfying conclusion.
