Another day, another wild court transcript from the Johnny Depp defamation lawsuit against his ex-wife Amber Heard. Just when you thought you’d heard it all, the Pirates of the Caribbean star drops yet another salacious quote into his testimony. From alcohol-infused rants to #MePoo to medicating Marilyn Manson, there’s no shortage of shocking revelations in this trial. (Truth is stranger than fiction after all!)
Whether or not Depp is a “wife-beater” is for the jury and judge to decide. Based on what we’ve heard so far, Depp and Heard both sound like a couple of abusive, insufferable douchebags who deserved each other. We here at Mandatory don’t condone domestic violence, no matter who incites it. But we reserve the right to laugh our asses off about these ridiculous court proceedings, which really feel like Depp’s desperate attempt to stay in the spotlight, no matter how unsavory it makes his character look.
To that end, we have rounded up the most outrageous quotes from the Johnny Depp defamation trial against Amber Heard. Read ‘em and weep…or piss yourself laughing (no shame).
Cover Photo: STEVE HELBER / Contributor (Getty Images)
Depp Quotes
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If You Say So...
“My goal is the truth. One day you’re Cinderella and then in zero point six seconds you’re Quasimodo."
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The Infamous Finger
"The blood had dried as it were, and so I stuck my finger into a can of paint and also mineral spirits to put my verbal messages onto the wall."
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Blame It on the Dogs
"She brought up the fecal matter on the bed. She tried to blame it on the dogs. They're teacup Yorkies. They weigh about 4 pounds each. I lived with those dogs. I picked up their funk. It was not the dogs."
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Problem Child
"The only person with a drinking problem at any point in my life was me. The only person I've abused in my life is myself."
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What Would Johnny Drink?
"A mega pint? I poured myself a large glass of wine. I thought it necessary."
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That Time Amber Roundhouse-Punched Him
"She kicked the bathroom door into my head and I was completely taken aback by such a corrosive horrific move."
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No Kitchen Is Safe
"I did assault a couple of cabinets but I did not touch Ms. Heard."
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That's Your Wife You're Talking About
Johnny Depp Text: "I never, ever want to lay eyes on that filthy whore. Amber a most embarrassing." [sic]
Lawyer: "And when you called Amber 'that filthy whore,' she was your wife at the time, correct?"
Johnny Depp: "Yes, sir."
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The Silent Treatment
"I once gave Marilyn Manson a pill so that he would stop talking so much."
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Johnny Depp, Penis Artist
"I don't remember drawing a penis on a painting...Drawing a penis was not the first thing on my mind."
