You’d have to be a pretty odd individual to have to release a statement in which you claimed you would no longer bite anyone, but that’s exactly what Barcelona striker and grown adult Luis Suarez has been forced to do.
The Uruguayan star was handed a four-month ban after biting Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini in the World Cup, but the incident – one of many times the player has been caught sinking his teeth into a fellow footballer – failed to slow the trajectory of his career, as he signed a £65 million transfer from Liverpool to Barcelona.
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In a “reassuring” statement released to Barcelona fans, Suarez said: “I say to fans, don’t worry, because I won’t do that anymore.
“I spoke to my psychologist and he said I had to face it and say sorry. I did – now I would rather focus on the present, which is Barcelona.”
I think I speak for all of us when I say that this is great news. The La Liga will be able to rest easy knowing that Suarez’s molars don’t want to embed themselves into the shoulders of passers-by. Now if only he could do something about the whole “being a racist” thing, he could almost pass for a decent human being.
Suarez claimed that his biting of Chiellini made him fear for his career, saying: “Of course I was concerned – not just about the transfer to Barcelona but more for me as a person. But, as I’ve said, that’s in the past now and I’m trying to concentrate on Barcelona.
“Everything that happens in the past, that needs to be forgotten. If I start thinking about everything I’ve gone through, I wouldn’t be able to sleep.”
He is aware that HE bit Chiellini, isn’t he? Or are his teeth sentient, and took it upon themselves to drive their way into the defender’s flesh of their own accord? Oh, Suarez: you weird, angry, toothy dickhead.
Photo: Getty Images
