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It’s a big day for people who give too much of a shit about people whom they’ve never met, as plebeians are stumbling over one another to say congratulations to Queen Elizabeth II whilst she happily sits in her gigantic palace, and the rest of us sit outside in the cold and argue among ourselves about whether it’s the unemployed or the asylum seekers who are stealing all of us our tax money.
At 5.30pm BST the 89-year-old will have reigned for 63 years and seven months, continuing her illustrious career of visiting places and waving, then retiring to bed in the aforementioned palace, heated using money that fortunately hasn’t been swiped from our state poverty fund, even though she tried to use that before after claiming that the £15 million in handouts that Buckingham Palace was given to maintain the building was “untenable.”
But how dare we discuss such things on today, the day when we celebrate a woman we don’t know having managed to survive for over six decades, aided only by her £302 million net fortune? How dare Twitter users tweet things such as this:
Hating people fleeing war to live in shit council housing one day, celebrating a woman who does fuck all and lives in a PALACE the next.
— Richie Morgan (@Laslo_Panaflex) September 9, 2015
Or this:
I sit here, looking at the celebrations for her Maj, wondering wtf the fuss is all about? What sacrifice has she made? #longestreign
— Bozwonk (@lolwarlol) September 9, 2015
My Nan, and no doubt countless others, sat scrimping & struggling whilst her Maj sat in the lap of luxury.#longestreign
— Bozwonk (@lolwarlol) September 9, 2015
When really we should be echoing insightful thoughts such as these, y’know, out of respect for that super rich lady we keep housed up in luxury with our money, but who we dare not speak ill of because she’s the Queen and ‘God Save The Queen’ is literally our national anthem:
I think the Queen is incredible.
— Emily Canham (@EmilyCanham) September 8, 2015
PM: She has led a gentle evolution of the monarchy, bringing it closer to the people while maintaining its dignity. #LongestReign
— UK Prime Minister (@Number10gov) September 9, 2015
How dare we offer an opinion that isn’t unfaltering sycophancy as we watch our nation’s news teams abandon their reports on the refugee crisis in order to inform us that our undemocratically elected monarch remaining on the throne for 63 years after facing literally no opposition is somehow an achievement that we, as UK citizens should be proud of? How dare we look at tabloid newspapers vilifying refugees escaping from this country…
…into the UK because of how much it’ll cost the taxpayer, and then question why those same tabloid newspapers so graciously welcome in another milestone for our monarchy? How dare we do such things?
So we won’t do those things. Instead we’ll join in with the cacophony of those congratulating Her Majesty, and welcome her to celebrate this occasion by having a drink on us – y’know, like she does every other day of the year.
