We all love our dads because no one else could tell the awful jokes that they spout off and constantly make us laugh. You don’t want to laugh, but there’s something about the level of commitment they have to telling the corniest jokes with such passion, that you can’t help but chuckle. In honor of dads, here are some of the best/worst dad jokes from r/dadjokes. Some you’ve heard before and some may be new to you, but there’s no denying it has all those classic dad signs all over it.
Best Dad Jokes (or Worst)
Dad jokes are all really the best or the worst, depending on how you look at it. Meaning if you’re a dad or not.
1. The Three Legged Dog
What did the three legged dog say when he busted into the saloon?
I’m lookin’ for the man that shot my paw!
2. Enchiladas
What do you get when you have 12 enchiladas?
A foot-ilada
3. The Bug
What’s the last thing on a bug’s mind when it hits the windshield?
His butt.
4. Dog Cake
What’s a dog’s least favorite kind of cake?
Pound cake.
5. The Solider
What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran
6. The Dirty Joke
“Wanna hear a dirty joke? A boy fell in the mud.”
7. Pterodactyl
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the toilet? Because the p is silent
8. Nice to Meet You
The all-time classic. Every time.
“Dad, I’m hungry.”
“Hi Hungry. I’m Dad.”
9. Roadkill
Driving down the road and a dead deer is laying on the roadside: Dad, “Oh dear!”
10. The NSA
Why does the NSA hate igloos?
Because they are snow dens.
11. Potatoes
What do you call a potato with glasses?
A spec-tater.
12. The Rock
What happens if you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
It gets wet.
13. The Dining Room Table
After we finished a family meal I would ask if I could leave the table. My dad always answered “I’d rather you did that than take it with you”…
14. No Nose
What do you call a man with no nose and no body?
Nobody nose.
15. Ketchup
“Oh man, I forgot to buy ketchup!”
“Oh well, Heinz-sight is 20/20, isn’t it?”
16. NASCAR
Dad: “Wanna know how NASCAR got its name?”
Me: “Sure I guess.”
Dad: “You know NASCAR originated in the south right?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Dad: “Well one day while some southerners were racing cars, a fast car races past a bystander and the bystander goes, “DAYUM! That’s a NAS-CAR!”
17. The Scarecrow
Ya hear about the scarecrow who won the award? He was out standing in his field…
18. Geese
Pointing up to some geese flying above: “You ever notice that one side of the ‘flying V’ is always longer than the other? You know why that is? More geese on that side.”
19. A Guy Walks Into An Office
A guy walks into his therapist’s office naked except for some saran wrap around his middle. The shrink looks up at the guy and says, “well I can clearly see your nuts”. Dad has been telling this joke at least once a month for 20 years.
20. Happy New Year!
Every year after it turns 12:00 AM on January 1
“Where’s your mother, I haven’t seen her ALL YEAR!”
“Man, I’m so hungry, I haven’t eaten ALL YEAR!!”
“WOW, we’ve been watching this TV ALL YEAR!!”
21. A Frog Walks Into A Bank…
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
“Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30000 loan to take a holiday.”
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s OK, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall – bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30000, and he wants to use this as collateral.”
She holds up the tiny pink elephant.
“I mean, what in the world is this?”
The bank manager looks back at her and says, “It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
22. The Christmas Tree
Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said “Are you going to put it up yourself?” My dad said, “Don’t be disgusting. I’m going to put it in the living room.”
23. The Graveyard
Dad: Hey do you know the people that live in those houses over there can’t get buried in the graveyard next to them?
Me: Hmmmm, how come dad?
Dad: They’re not dead yet (proceeds to laugh for about five minutes at his genius)
24. The Goldfish
Two goldfish are in a tank, one turns and says to the other, “I’ll man the gun, you steer”.
25. The Cemetery
Every time we passed by a cemetery, “people are dying to get in there”
