If you have a Twitter account, one of the smartest things you can do is load it up with funny people so you always have laughs at hand whenever you need them. But most of the bigger accounts you’re already familiar with, so we decided to help you out and find the next great ones. These guys and gals may not have massive followings yet, but they’re as funny, if not funnier, than some that you already follow. Check them out and enjoy!
1. Becky Robinson (@beckyrrobinson)
No no, I said make sure the cookies are CHEWY. pic.twitter.com/822GTTSNQN
— BECKY (@beckyrrobinson) December 10, 2015
Mom: How’s dating going? Are you seeing anyone new? Me: pic.twitter.com/1periap2VS
— BECKY (@beckyrrobinson) December 7, 2015
2. Hannah (@TribalSpaceCat)
PILOT OVER INTERCOM: alright folks, by a show of hands, who has ever made a small and understandable mistake?
— hannah (@TribalSpaceCat) October 18, 2015
Very normal stages of anger: 1) kinda upset 2) crying 3) imagining yourself singing a revengeful song to them at a talent show
— hannah (@TribalSpaceCat) December 7, 2014
3. Chris Hudspeth (@CEHudspeth)
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
— Christopher Hudspeth (@CEHudspeth) January 8, 2014
“I can try” is a great response to invitations because you’re not even committing to trying.
— Christopher Hudspeth (@CEHudspeth) November 11, 2014
4. Krista Doyle (@Krista_Doyle)
Twitter is great for networking and also for never trusting anyone again.
— Krista Doyle (@Krista_Doyle) July 3, 2014
Mirror, mirror on the wall, how much harder can I ball?
— Krista Doyle (@Krista_Doyle) June 9, 2012
5. Michael O’Brien (@mycobrian)
I’ve never been to Oklahoma City, but I imagine everyone walks around that place in the free t-shirts they get at Thunder games.
— Michael O’Brien (@mycobrian) May 14, 2014
The hardest working man in show business is the guy with the over the top laugh on The Soup.
— Michael O’Brien (@mycobrian) September 26, 2013
6. Brandon Wardell (@BRANDONWARDELL)
rap: i make more money than u also im going 2 fuck ur gf me: whoa this song is cool im gonna buy 2 tickets 2 his concert n bring my gf
— BRANDON WARDELL (@BRANDONWARDELL) August 15, 2015
gays getting married? whats next, me marrying my dog? my dog with piercing blue eyes & a strong body? is that next? me marrying my sexy dog?
— BRANDON WARDELL (@BRANDONWARDELL) June 26, 2015
7. Anthony Troli (@AnthonyTroli)
Honestly I’d love to go out with you but I see a car coming so I’m going to jump in front of it and avoid this question
— Anthony Troli (@AnthonyTroli) July 30, 2014
I’m gonna end every argument with my children with “well I fucked your mom!”
— Anthony Troli (@AnthonyTroli) January 20, 2014
8. Jake Currie (@jakecurrie)
if I don’t produce an heir I guess my dad’s HBOGO password dies with me.
— Jake Currie (@jakecurrie) August 22, 2014
Pretty glad most animals can’t talk since it seems like the ones that can won’t shut the fuck up about car insurance.
— Jake Currie (@jakecurrie) December 3, 2014
9. Alex (@thefurlinator)
“I’ll see you in hell” should be followed with “and I won’t even stop to say hi”. Otherwise you’re just making plans with someone you hate
— ballin ass furlin (@thefurlinator) January 10, 2014
scroll scroll scroll your phone, gently down your feed, merrily merrily merrily merrily, your life is just a screen
— ballin ass furlin (@thefurlinator) September 9, 2015
10. Cory Snearowski (@corysnearowski)
When i was 6 a kid’s dad died so for a week i tried to pretend to be his dad so he didn’t feel sad & my teacher asked i be tested for autism
— cory snearowski (@corysnearowski) September 24, 2013
My second day of college a kid sat in front of me and Google Image-searched the word “weed” and when the results came up he nodded his head
— cory snearowski (@corysnearowski) March 8, 2015
11. Barbara Gray (@BabsGray)
so if i spend my time eating cheese, watching Netflix, n having orgasms alone, i’m ‘depressed’, but if someone else is there i’m ‘in love’ ?
— Barbara Gray (@BabsGray) March 28, 2014
some people call it “chugging two mini bottles of wine alone in a bathroom stall”. I call it “Operation: Confidence”.
— Barbara Gray (@BabsGray) June 14, 2011
12. Patrick Monahan (@pattymo)
GOOD COP: Crazy girlfriend? I know how THAT is BAD COP: He’s trying to get on your side so you confess GOOD COP: Jesus Christ, Frank
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) October 25, 2014
*cocks shotgun* I asked you a question: in order to ride a pug would you rather be shrunk to its size or have it grown to your size
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) May 31, 2013
13. Leah Tiscione (@LeahTiscione)
I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry
— Leah Tiscione (@LeahTiscione) May 12, 2015
*swerves onto exit 208* Sorry mom something came up pic.twitter.com/1aAc8iuFIo
— Leah Tiscione (@LeahTiscione) September 1, 2015
14. Jess (@eye_like_sharx)
IDEA: you’re at a bar and a guy hands you his phone to put your number into, text REDCROSS to 90999 and he’ll donate $10 to hurricane relief
— j e s s (@eye_like_sharx) November 12, 2012
the person you love is basically just water
— j e s s (@eye_like_sharx) November 19, 2012
15. Lon Harris (@Lons)
“It’s me, the ghost of your old hermit friend. Kill your dad.” pic.twitter.com/XE8MH1z3IX
— Lon Harris (@Lons) December 6, 2015
“This is stupid. I will now participate in this.” — The Entire Internet All The Time
— Lon Harris (@Lons) February 27, 2015
16. Brandon Vaughn (@Brandamonium)
Soup is for when you’re too sad to chew
— Brandon Vaughn (@Brandamonium) November 4, 2014
If I’m honest with myself my favorite food is just dipping sauces.
— Brandon Vaughn (@Brandamonium) August 27, 2014
17. Dan O’Brien (@OtherDanOBrien)
*hot girl puts a cherry stem in her mouth* *twists it around with her tongue* *pulls it out* *it spells “I LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND”*
— Dan O’Brien (@OtherDanOBrien) January 22, 2015
[Dog Restaurant] “Is the Book Report any good?” Yes, Sir. “How’s it prepared?” A 9yo stayed up till 3am to finish it. “Ooh, I’ll have that.”
— Dan O’Brien (@OtherDanOBrien) April 15, 2015
18. Jade (@TheDreamGhoul)
[inventing the parrot] HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) February 18, 2015
the guy at the liquor store didn’t card me and it hurt my feelings so I said I was a cop and idk what to do next we’re just standing here
— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) January 17, 2015
19. Crissy Milazzo (@crissymilazzo)
every time I log on to Tumblr it’s like walking into a room and forgetting why I went there and then watching that room’s TV for 20 minutes.
— crissy milazzo (@frizzyfilazzo) October 16, 2014
You ever really miss your ex’s pets?
— crissy milazzo (@frizzyfilazzo) September 27, 2014
20. Aaron Burdette (@AaronBurdette)
Oh great, a unicorn! A horse that can stab me! Here, cow, why don’t you hold this gun?! Will we ever learn.
— Aaron Burdette (@AaronBurdette) December 6, 2012
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
— Aaron Burdette (@AaronBurdette) January 11, 2013
21. Max Miller (@RuinMyWeek)
She says talking to me is like talking to a kid. Therapist: And how many years has this been going on? *holds up 6 fingers* This many
— Max Miller (@RuinMyWeek) April 24, 2015
If I learned anything from Peter Pan, it’s that I can leave my dog to watch my kids while I go out and party.
— Max Miller (@RuinMyWeek) October 13, 2011
22. Dan Clyne (@danCLYNE)
Hey can someone tell CNN about snakes? pic.twitter.com/E9kfdFT26Z
— Dan Clyne (@danCLYNE) September 20, 2013
Billy Dee Williams has been simply masterful at distracting us from realizing his real name is William Williams.
— Dan Clyne (@danCLYNE) October 12, 2011
23. Brett Ryland (@brettryland)
The inside of my car looks like water bottles went to war with receipts and nobody won
— Brett Ryland (@brettryland) June 18, 2013
Depressed? Keep your chin up cuz when it’s down it looks like there’s two of them, which is gross.
— Brett Ryland (@brettryland) December 15, 2011
24. Matt Shirley (@mattsurely)
Oh really well you thought four inches was HUGE when we were talking about spiders.
— Matt Shirley (@mattsurely) June 2, 2015
*receives get well soon card* Oh yeah, why didn’t I think of that? *gets well soon*
— Matt Shirley (@mattsurely) January 12, 2015
25. Grant Pardee (@grantpa)
It’s Adam and Steve not Adam and Dave. They broke up awhile ago. Are you even on Instagram??
— grant pardee (@grantpa) June 26, 2015
Most horrifying words in the English language: “Actually, we’ve met before.”
— grant pardee (@grantpa) April 1, 2015
26. Ashley Barnhill (@ashley_barnhill)
My mom once asked if Jack Frost was based on a true story. Jack Frost is a movie where a father dies and returns as a snowman.
— ashley barnhill (@ashley_barnhill) December 29, 2013
No one mentions how the early bird is also exhausted and irritable and unraveling day by day slowly losing the will to live.
— ashley barnhill (@ashley_barnhill) March 11, 2015
27. Andrew Michaan (@AndrewMichaan)
If someone doesn’t respond to your text it’s always wise to quickly send several more in a panic.
— Andrew Michaan (@AndrewMichaan) December 22, 2014
“I’m a total nerd. I like Star Wars, the most popular movie franchise of all time.”
— Andrew Michaan (@AndrewMichaan) May 4, 2015
28. Alex Mann (@alexjmann)
Someone told me to “have a great weekend” so I said “have a good weekend” to make sure I have a better weekend.
— Alex J. Mann (@alexjmann) May 10, 2014
In theory, sex should be grosser than letting someone borrow your toothbrush, but it’s not.
— Alex J. Mann (@alexjmann) August 21, 2013
29. Justin Furano (@JustinFurano)
Continential breakfast, much like adulthood, is the opposite of everything you hoped and imagined it would be.
— Justin Furano (@4anno) February 7, 2012
There’s not a fat person alive who wants to hear who they remind you of.
— Justin Furano (@4anno) October 9, 2012
30. Miel (@mielmonster)
mondays pic.twitter.com/WsnuWfnvrx
— miel (@mielmonster) October 12, 2015
my sister’s coworker’s son used a bunch of lego pants to spell the word ‘pants’. it looks like a different word. pic.twitter.com/JtoeFPvhCS
— miel (@mielmonster) October 5, 2015
