Photo: AH86 (Getty)
There is nothing illegal about a fart. It’s not a crime, yet. But given the right circumstances, one could be hauled to jail for even the slightest poof. These stories make it clear that it’s (almost) always better to keep your butt shut. Otherwise, you could face the full weight of the law.
10 People Arrested For Farting:
Well, that was obnoxious. Or maybe just noxious. Regardless, you better think twice before you feel like cutting one loose. You know, for your own sake.
Plenty more in the tank: Woman Farts During Surgery, Causes Hospital Fire
People Arrested for Farting
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Texas Cop Farts in Fellow Cop's Face
Bullying is a serious subject in current American society. Bullying within police departments is no exception. In February 2014, the Lago Vista, Texas cop headquarters had one officer put in handcuffs over such an offense. Detective Lawrence Michael Jonap, like a mischievous sprite, victimized a communications director with a toot. According to a report, Jonap hit him in the ear with a notebook, flicked his ear, and farted in his face.
He was charged with assault with injury, a Class A misdemeanor, which is punishable by up to a year in jail. Jonap denied the fart, but admitted he "brushed" him. He was put in handcuffs and will presumably cease gassy antics in the future.
Photo: Lago Vista Sheriff's Office
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Man Charged with Battery After Farting on Cop
Jose Cruz is a legend. In 2008, the West Virginia hombre was pulled over for having his headlights off and Patrolman T.E. Parsons noticed he was hammered. After failing a sobriety test, Cruz was taken to a police station. While being fingerprinted, he allegedly lifted his leg, farted, cupped it, and fanned the offensive air at Parsons. Cruz topped it off by saying, "Here, put that in your breathalyzer."
According to the official statement, "The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons." Possibly a carne asada redux, Parsons couldn't deal and added another charge to the books. The fart charges -- farges? -- were eventually dropped, as Cruz alibied that he "couldn't hold it no more."
Photo: Kanawha County Sheriff's Office
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Swedish Man
In March, a Swedish man visited his flame's home in Laholm, Sweden. They had previously discussed having sex for the first time, but on that fateful night, she'd have second thoughts. After denying his advances, he let it out. The fart that is. According to her testimony, it "disturbed her peace of mind" and "it smelled very bad in her flat." Well, there's one way to burn a bridge.
Photo credit: skynesher (Getty)
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Man Farts in Cop's Face, Again
Malcolm Gill of West Yorkshire in the U.K. was a bad boy in September 2014. He had just committed three shop heists and a warrant was issued for his arrest. He showed up one day late to the Huddersfield Police Station. Strike one. He was belligerent at the front desk and spun around and farted in an officer's face. Strike two. He then farted in his face, again. Strike three.
He was sentenced to 18 weeks in prison. Not only because he coughed ass gas directly in a cop's nose, but because he made it racial, calling the cop a "black bastard" and a "terrorist." He also disregarded his community service sentencing, proving he's not just farty, but tardy as well.
Photo credit: Vstock LLC (Getty)
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Man Farts on Child's Face
Check that. Two children's faces. The serial farter, 22-year-old Gary McKenzie, made headlines last week when he caused a ruckus in Darlington, England. (What the hell is going on in England?) According to the victim, a 12-year-old, McKenzie "pumped" in his face. "He was right next to me and bending down, he was wearing shorts, his shorts were right next to my face. I said, 'Why did you do that?' He said he did it because he wanted to be nasty."
Nasty it was. The 12-year-old said he witnessed McKenzie pull the same stunt on another child. (Shower thought #1: There is something highly suspect with the state of journalism when fart stories such as these receive thousands of hits and shares.) Prosecutor Paul Abrahams noted the severity of the offense: "It might be at a rugby club done to someone who had drunk ten pints and fallen asleep that one might think of this as horseplay. But this was a child at the time and was highly inappropriate." (Shower thought #2: Something could also be said about the state of what constitutes a crime nowadays.)
Photo credit: DrGrounds (Getty)
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The Victim is Arrested in this Case
Marriage is a bond that lasts through thick and thin. Come what may, sometimes it takes restraint, compromise, and love to get through the tough times. Unless it's a fart. Then there's hell to be paid. Take for instance Dawn Meikle of Port St. Lucie, Florida. Look her name up on any search engine and her legacy is sealed -- a legacy of beating her husband for farting.
One night in December 2015, while cozying up in bed for the night, Dawn's husband let out a butt burp. She elbowed him. He let out another, then another, then another. Dawn beat him within an inch of traumatic injury. Her husband suffered an 8-inch scrape across his chest and his shirt was ripped in three places. Dawn was charged with-- domestic battery and tossed in jail.
Photo: St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office
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Man Sprays Liquid Ass in Woman's Face
If you've ever smelled fart spray, you know it's worse than bear spray. Basically, it's a rotting, fetid stench from hell that Liquid Ass creators themselves say smells of "hints of dead animal and fresh poo." Its odor is so eerily reminiscent to a robust and meaty Taco Bell shart that it belongs on this list.
In April, 20-year-old Blake Zengo entered an Athens, Georgia bar with evil on his mind. As he began to quietly spritz the bar with Liquid Ass, patrons began to leave en masse. In one instance, Zengo even sprayed a woman in the face. When police arrived, they found him chilling on the patio, basically saying, "What? What's going on in there? I've just been out here chilling." They found the Liquid Ass in his pocket. He was taken to jail, but released less than two hours later on $1,500 bond.
Photo: Clarke County Sheriff’s Office
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Florida Boy Arrested for Farting in Class
A mere child with a 4 foot 11 inch frame was taken into policy custody in 2008 after a series of flatulent bursts. It happened at Stuart's Spectrum Junior-Senior High School in Florida. This school -- which isn't for those on the spectrum mind you -- called the police after a 12-year-old "continually disrupted his classroom environment by breaking wind and shutting off several computers." Touchy, touchy.
Photo credit: Diane Diederich (Getty)
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Woman Stabs Boyfriend After He Farts on Her Head
Yet another instance where the fartee isn't the arrestee. The arrestee in this case was Deborah Ann Burns, 37, of -- you guessed it -- Florida. In the summer of 2013, things got heated when an argument between her and her boyfriend Willie escalated. Willie did the only thing he could to depressurize the atmosphere, but it was for naught. He farted on Burns' face as he passed her on the way to the kitchen. She then allegedly stabbed him in the abdomen and chest, resulting in profuse bleeding. Ladies, we mean no harm. Just breathe -- through your mouth only -- when it happens.
Photo: Collier County Sheriff’s Office
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Man Farts in Court
Arrested? Well, no. He was already arrested for a previous crime. Held in contempt and possibly given a longer sentence because he interrupted the judge with a fart? Yes. This video shows a judge presiding over a gaggle of inmates, one of which interrupts his legal babbling to let out perhaps the loudest rectal hiccup ever recorded on film. The judge hammers him. "You can't do that. I'm having a court hearing here!" The man replies, "I'm sorry, I don't feel too well."
After more than a million views, we at Mandatory declare fart humor is alive and well.
Photo credit: YouTube
