Header Photo: LEON NEAL/AFP (Getty) / Jack Garratt (Twitter)
Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets collected for your viewing pleasure. Give them a read, and remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. They’re not just putting their hilarious thoughts out there for their health, after all. Plus, if you’re just going to wind up repeating these jokes to your friends later and passing them off as your own, the least you can do is throw a little admiration their way. It’s only fair.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 4-7-17
My mans dipped the baby like it some wings in ranch dip
pic.twitter.com/rau9Mw1j1J— natalie (@assfruta) April 3, 2017
The Person Who Discovered Sharks pic.twitter.com/USsJ0wL51P
— B R A N S N (@bransonreese) April 3, 2017
Lyft driver asked if he could turn on the radio I said sure HE’S PLAYED LOUD STATIC FOR 20 MINS DO I CONTACT THE MEN IN BLACK PLEASE ADVISE
— Aaron Abrams (@MrAaronAbrams) April 5, 2017
You really gotta not give a fuck about anything to just be in the crib eating Oreo cream pic.twitter.com/Swgv2gJYWE
— Lip Gallagher (@tonestradamus) March 31, 2017
Pepsi has always been on the wrong side of history pic.twitter.com/JZxR05Drpk
— Gene Park (@GenePark) April 5, 2017
its lucky that birds dont aspire to living indoors bc realisticaly if birds decided to live in ur house theres not much u coud do to stop em
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) March 31, 2017
Not “Oh boy—syrup!” but “Oh! Boy syrup.” Boy syrup. pic.twitter.com/qcXS0q9Xjq
— Eric Haddock (@Abashima) March 30, 2017
procrastination has taught me how to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in 30 minutes.
— babygirlㅤ (@TingIing) April 5, 2017
Me: What if Deja Vu is just you sharing time/syncing up with parallel versions of yourself in alternate universes?
Also me: u ok hun?
— Jack Garratt (@JackGarratt) March 30, 2017
the goal was not reached https://t.co/3SjZM5Nc82
— CANDACE CARRIZALES (@candacesucks) April 5, 2017
One fun and relaxing thing about being a writer is that you’re always waiting on an e-mail detailing what people feel you did wrong.
— Patrick Walsh (@thepatrickwalsh) April 1, 2017
shut up and look at this pic of sade pic.twitter.com/IZ3pW9oFm0
— the black bd wong (@KasaiREX) April 6, 2017
I found the worst shirt at #wondercon pic.twitter.com/sbN1UbKIAG
— Whitney Moore (@TweetneyMoore) April 2, 2017
basketball players don’t ever talk about how much fun it is just to bounce a ball
— keith buckley (@deathoftheparty) April 4, 2017
This little girl thought a broken water heater is a real life robot. It’s just not fair how cute it is pic.twitter.com/TLbuKKEEbY
— Ben Tolmachoff (@bentolmachoff) March 27, 2017
My teacher’s son is off for spring break and she brought him to class in his Godzilla costume pic.twitter.com/2lL4oKoD9B
— Natty (@ngmferguson) April 4, 2017
are u sure that is why pic.twitter.com/F9kmbuaf7i
— ANTHONY OLIVEIRA (@meakoopa) April 5, 2017
this is correct – if a man tries to be friends with me I will make him carry all my shopping bags and walk 3 feet behind me and my boyfriend pic.twitter.com/ig9MHuZaIh
— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) April 4, 2017
we all cried for weeks we were so hurt to see our family secrets exposed in this documentary https://t.co/b95KZ4ldxk
— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) April 4, 2017
john wick: I need to dispose of a body
bellhop: ok that costs one big gold coin
john wick: and id like a beer as well
bellhop: also one coin— Mike F (@mikefossey) February 12, 2017
