Photo: Paramount Pictures
We know what you’re thinking. “When in the hell is Tom Cruise going to quit running?” Well, it appears not anytime soon, as the 55-year-old actor is back to defy gravity, age and death in general in the latest Mission: Impossible installment. But after enough missions with Ethan Hunt, we know exactly what to expect. Hint: There will be excessive jumping on couches.
As always, we’ll expect Tom to outdo himself since no other actor or stuntman is as crazy as he is (or as short). After five installments, the sixth will raise the stakes, the stunts and the sexiness. Having said that, we expect a new Girl of M:I, the return of a few key team members, villains both new and old, and, out of the clear blue, Superman (Henry Cavill), here to whoop Tom’s ancient ass.
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For the latest hints on what to expect from Tom and the gang in Mission: Impossible – Fallout, have a quick look and unlimited laughs as we roundup one of the most anticipated movies of the summer, set to jump onto screens July 27.
I hope this didn’t count as Mission: Impossible – Fallout spoilers…
MI6
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Ethan Refusing to Accept the Mission, Then Immediately Accepting
Although the trailer starts out with an ominous voice asking if he's ever not accepted a mission, we assure you there's nothing Tom loves to do more than hide from his job, only to be miraculously found, offered a job, rejecting the proposal then immediately hopping on a plane to go do the exact opposite.
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The Tom Cruise Run in Excess
It wouldn't be a mission of impossibility without an impossible Tom Cruise run, especially at the impossible age of 55. Hell, it wouldn't be any Tom Cruise movie without it, but he's still faster than we've ever been.
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Some Ridiculous, Never-Before-Done Stunt by Tom Himself
And it wouldn't be a Tom Cruise movie without some death-defying stunt that he could have easily sublet. That would never work, since nobody is as short, fast, ballsy or stubborn as Tom, except when Ben Stiller was his stunt double in M:I2.
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And Then Some More Stunts Just to Make Us Feel Like Old Decrepit Losers
Alright, now he's just showing off, and we're starting to feel pretty pathetic and useless, despite the fact that Tom has like two or three decades on us.
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The Disbanded Team...Rebanded?
Ving Rhames and Simon Pegg have been pegged as the crew, since it wouldn't be a mission without them telling Ethan how impossible it is, then helping him anyway. Sorry about the whole "pegging" thing, too much.
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The Return of a Disloyal (But Sometimes Loyal) Rebecca Ferguson
If you recall back to Rogue Nation, it took Tom some convincing to get Isla (Ferguson) on his side. And it looks like she's back as the hired help to take Ethan and his team out. Here's hoping that despite his running her over with a car and her firing a gun at his head that these two can get along again. She is, after all, triple threat: stunt woman, tactically trained and drop dead gorgeous. How could they not bring her back; she's Tom with boobs.
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A New Bond-Esque M:I Girl - Vanessa Kirby
Since Rebecca Ferguson is on the other team, there's going to have to be some random beauty thrown in, kind of like past Mission: Impossible Girls. Here she is watching Ethan slam what looks to be her date's head into the hood of a car.
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A Not-So-Big Bad: The Return of Solomon
Another returning villain, Sean Harris is back as Solomon, a tiny nerd for a big bad, albeit a bit hairier after his capture in Rogue Nation. From what we gather, Solomon is to be executed, yet we've seen footage of Ethan being chased with a hooded captive, which means he could be freeing the very man he spent the entire last film capturing. What a waste of money that was!
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Someone in a Suit Trying to Screw With Ethan's Mission
No matter how bad the villain, there's always some asshole in a tie trying to fuck with Ethan's mission, which we already thought couldn't be more impossible-r. Who better than Superman, himself (Henry Cavill), to take on Ethan?
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Ethan Responding Poorly to Said Screwing
It appears Ethan takes on two men in the restroom, which, to be honest, is something that would make being in there taking a poo at the time very constipating.
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Motorcycle Chases
As always, Tom on a motorcycle, simply because cars are too safe. Check.
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Car Chases
But there will be some car pursuit, as long as he's putting dozens of people's lives in danger. Check.
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Helicopter...Chases?
Alright, now this has just gotten out of control. If they make another film, it'll have to be blimp wars or exploding bumper cars.
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More People Screwing With Ethan From a Distance
Oh look, more people fucking with Ethan. Angela Bassett, who seems to play opposite Alec Baldwin, will continue to wage war on Ethan from afar.
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Ethan's Wife Showing Up at the End to Remind Us He's Never Done
And, as always, Michelle Monaghan will remind us that Ethan is actually married and that they can never be together, what, with all these impossible missions! Until next time, which has a working title of Mission: Impossible-r - Rogue Nursing Home.
