In the Dark Ages before Photoshop, how else were you expected to put Sarah Palin’s head on Hitler’s body? By hand???? That’s ridiculous! Now you can put Sarah Palin’s head on Hitler’s body, an iguana’s body, Carla Bruni’s body, Marcel Proust’s horse’s body, in a blender or on the Moon. You can do whatever the hell you want with Sarah Palin’s head, or anyone’s head for that matter. There’s nothing more American than having the freedom to manipulate someone else’s photo for your own amusement.
20 years ago, today, Adobe premiered the first edition of Photoshop.
The “National Association for Photoshop Professionals” (or D.O.R.K., for short) has a web page celebrating this magical day. You’d think a bunch of “professional” Photoshop artists would be able to come up with something more engaging than 4 old, bald guys popping Cialis and talking about how cool they were 20 years ago.
Beer on wheels, every man’s dream. Plus, Kegway rhymes with Segway. Someone put a little thought into this one.
9) Bearsharktapus
8) The Ball-Eating Cat
Whereas the Bearsharktapus is a noted predator, the Ball-Eating Cat is deceptive. It looks precious, but so did that fat, black chick from the movie, Precious (hence the title) and we know how THAT turned out, don’t we?
This cat will eat yout f**king balls. Look at the eyes. They’re hungry.
For balls.
7) The Hollywood Development System – Explained
SEE, THOSE COMIC BOOKS GO INTO A GRINDER, AND THEN CRAP COMES OUT! THE COMEDY COMES FROM THE HONESTY.
6) How to Put Out a Fire
I tried this at home last week. I set my bedroom on fire. Then I threw a couple singles at the fire. By the time the real firemen came, my home was in tatters and I was out 2 dollars.
Be aware: Photoshops are not accurate representations of reality. Don’t be like me. Don’t learn this lesson the hard way.
5) Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby Explode on the Pop Music Scene
We all knew about Oswald and Ruby’s shared talent for marksmenship, but what we didn’t know until this picture was unearthed is that they shared a love for contemporary soul and Motown. Their cover of “Twist and Shout” would go on to top the Billboard charts for 3 non-consecutive Sundays in 1965. One wonders what their lost albums, Shots from the Grassy Knoll and I Act Alone, would have offered us. Sonic brilliance, I’m sure. We would have been dancing “back and to the left” for hours!
4) Hockey Jesus
When you’re the Son of God, life seems…tame, boring, bland. What do you do with your free time when you can literally stop time if you wanted to?
How about some f**king hockey!?
Soon after this picture was taken, Jesus checked that dude into the boards. I guarantee you that no one in the NHL has more penalty minutes than ol’ J.C. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John didn’t call him “The Enforcer” for nothing.
3) Alfatar
This is a relatively recent Shoop, but it’s got Alf in it. Throw Alf on the cover of L.A. Candy by Lauren Conrad and I might read it.
2) French Toast
If we were doing a list of the 10 most delicious Photoshops of the last 20 years, this would be #1. Unfortunately for our friend, Mr. French Toast, this is not a list of 10 delicious Photoshops. Better luck next time, Monsieur Toast.
And now…the moment you have all been waiting for…
THE GREATEST PHOTOSHOP OF THE LAST 20 YEARS!
1) John Kerry Hangs with Jane Fonda, Plotting the Destruction of America
HONORABLE MENTION:
Let’s give it up to the greatest humor publication of them all. Without National Lampoon‘s classic analog covers, there would be no hilarious digital Photoshops. There would be no Bearsharktapus. No Hockey Jesus. Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby never would have formed a rock band. Hell, there wouldn’t be a Humor section on CraveOnline either. Thanks, NatLamp. Thanks for Bearsharktapus.
Thanks for killing that dog.
Thanks for helping us laugh at Vietnam.
Most of all, thanks for shoving ice cream on Gerald Ford’s head.
