Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past couple of weeks, you now know the name Brian Laundrie. He’s the dude who embarked on a road trip with his fiancée Gabby Petito back in July with plans to document the journey on Instagram and YouTube. There’s just one problem: Petito turned up dead and Laundrie – who is now wanted on an arrest warrant – is missing.
Authorities are still filling in the timeline, but here’s what we know for sure: the couple had problems, enough that a stranger called the police on them in Moab, Utah, after witnessing Laundrie hit Petito on Aug. 12. Twelve days later was the last time Petito was spotted alive. Laundrie returned to his parents’ North Port, Florida home, where he lived, on Sept. 1, but disappeared again sometime around Sept. 14…though his parents didn’t report him missing for several days. (Way to give a guy a head start.)
Since then, authorities have been searching for Laundrie in the Carlton Reserve, where he allegedly went hiking (albeit without a phone or a wallet). Despite using bloodhounds for scent-tracking and drones for video, they’ve come up empty-handed (as far as we know).
As Chris Boyer, executive director of the non-profit National Association for Search and Rescue (NASAR), told CNN earlier this week, “It’s really hard to find people even when they want to be found” in a nature reserve.
This intriguing mystery got us thinking about how to play the ultimate game of hide-and-seek, courtesy of America’s No. 1 douchebag. Read on to learn how you, too, can get lost.
Cover Photo: Moab Police Department
Brian Laundrie Hide and Seek
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Post something super-cryptic on social media.
Pinterest, to be specific. (Of all places!)
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Ditch your traveling companion in a state park.
What happens in nature stays in nature?
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Hitchhike to and from the crime scene.
Subtle. Really subtle.
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Hit the road – alone.
No passengers, no witnesses.
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Use the dead girl’s bank card.
Because nothing says “I care” like charging it up on your fiancée’s plastic.
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Head to your parents’ house.
Because Mom and Dad will never tell.
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Throw the authorities off your scent.
Claim that you’re going somewhere remote, preferably with gator and snake-infested swamps that’ll make it near impossible for the Feds to follow, much less find, you.
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Vanish into thin air.
Watch the news from whatever corner of the earth you’ve managed to escape to and laugh as the search efforts fail.
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Prepare to meet your maker.
God doesn’t need a GPS, genius.
