There’s nothing sexier than world peace. Except for free blow jobs with no strings attached. No one knows this better than technologists, who, unlike normal people, can’t help but wonder how good robots are at fornicating. Are scientists little more than horndogs searching for the newest ways to get their kicks? All signs point to yes with the latest VR tech that simulates a wide range of stimuli from kissing to foreign objects entering your mouth.
Carnegie Mellon University’s Future Interfaces Group is the party responsible for this move toward world peace. By simply upgrading a Meta Quest 2 headset with a nimble array of ultrasonic transducers, the researchers there created the most sophisticated version of mouth haptics to date. Like a miniature pipe organ that can fire off intricate pulse patterns from its many shafts, the prototype plays sensations onto your face with frightening accuracy.
In one example, the hardware can splash your lips with poison (AKA splooge). In another, spiderwebs (AKA pubes) stick to your face as you run through a spooky forest (sex dungeon). And while we’re pretty sure the tech can do a whole lot more, researchers have yet to introduce the Cleveland Steamer function.
Naturally, the group is dancing around the obvious. But anyone with half an imagination can foresee a collaboration with Calvin Klein for some ultramodern undies you won’t wanna leave home with…ever.
Of course, while our first thought jumps straight to the real-world application of sensory-rich pod living, we absolutely recognize there are a few giant leaps necessary before humans reach full cyberspace immersion. (Such as enhanced virtual porn and Avatar 4 debuting Feel-O-Vision.) Until then, we’ll stick to kissing IRL.
For now.
Cover Photo: ADragan (Getty Images)
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