Okay, so Rio 2 sucked. There’s nothing we can do about that now but try to accentuate the positive: there are still plenty of badass movie birds out there. No, really, have you ever stopped to think about it? There’s tons of them, and we’re counting down the Top 13 Badass Movie Birds right here at CraveOnline.
First, some rules.
1. No chickens. Believe it or not we’ve already done that list.
2. Animated and live-action movie birds are both fair game (chuckle).
3. The birds have to have actual names, or at least be actual characters in the movie. (Sorry, Alfred Hitchcock, but The Birds are a little underdeveloped for this list.)
4. The birds actual birds, not robots or cyborgs. (Clash of the Titans and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen don’t qualify.)
5. The rankings will be based on badass birdness, not necessarily the quality of the film they’re found in.
Let’s get pluckin’.
William Bibbiani is the editor of CraveOnline’s Film Channel and co-host of The B-Movies Podcast. Follow him on Twitter at @WilliamBibbiani.
13 Badass Movie Birds
-
13. Finding Nemo (2003)
Finding Nemo is a fish-centric movie at heart, but the pelican Nigel (Geoffrey Rush) steals his scenes as a dentistry-enthused sympathizer who saves our heroes from a mindless but deadly flock of seagulls in a classic aerial chase sequence.
-
12. The Three Caballeros (1944)
Disney's The Three Caballeros isn't much of a "movie," really. It's a relatively plotless travelogue about how awesome Latin America is, and although it resorts to clichés the title characters - Donald Duck, Panchito Pistoles and Jose Carioca - are lively party animals with whom we'd love to go to Tijuana. Plus, Donald gets to seduce Aurora Miranda, Carmen's sister, in her prime.
-
11. Howard the Duck (1986)
Howard the Duck may be one of the most notoriously bad movies of all time, but you know what? It also kind of rules. A cigar-smoking, misanthropic humanoid duck winds up in the human world fighting alien monsters and turning on an impossibly hot young Leah Thompson so much she can't control himself. Plus he plays guitar! How do you argue against a duck who plays guitar?
-
10. DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp (1990) (19
"DuckTales" is widely considered one of the best animated series of all time (and it easily has the best theme song ever), but most people seem to have forgotten that they released their own feature film in 1990, and it was just as good as the series. DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp finds the miserly Scrooge McDuck and his web-footed companions freeing a genie from a lamp and doing battle with an evil magician in the process. It's so badass we can't help but wonder why Disney never released it on DVD or Blu-ray.
-
9. Ladyhawke (1985)
In Ladyhawke, the faithful pet of Rutger Hauer - one of the great badasses of cinema - is also his lover. It makes sense when you realize they've both been cursed. Hauer is a knight by day and a wolf by night, and Michelle Pfeiffer is a hawk by day and, well, a smoking hot young Michelle Pfeiffer by night. Richard Donner's classic fantasy makes the most of its characters and introduced the world to the most badass (and damned sexy) movie hawk of all time.
-
8. Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)
It's hard to make a peacock seem badass, but Kung Fu Panda 2 pulled it off with beautifully choreographed, feather-centric martial arts and one of the great movie villains, Gary Oldman, providing his dastardly voice. Lord Shen becomes something of a joke halfway through Kung Fu Panda 2, otherwise he'd be higher on the list, but until then he kicks plucking butt.
-
7. Madagascar (2005)
The hit franchise Madagascar is pretty forgettable if you ask us, except for the penguins. The antarctic avians were reimagined as highly motivated The Great Escape allegories in the original Madagascar, turning themselves into the film's badass breakout characters (pun intended).
-
6. Rio (2011)
Rio wasn't actually very good (and Rio 2 is just awful), but Jemaine Clement kicks ass as the voice of Nigel, a cannibal cockatiel with a flare for the dramatic who kidnaps and brutalizes his own kind for no other reason than because he's a dick.
-
5. Batman Returns (1992)
Tim Burton's Batman Returns gets a lot of flack for concluding the film with a waddle of penguins invading Gotham City with rocket launchers on their backs, but think about it. These penguins raised The Penguin (Danny DeVito) from birth. How do we know his whole insidious plot wasn't their idea to begin? Human-hating penguins with explosives, intent on killing everyone in Gotham City, who almost get away with it? No matter how silly it looks, you've got to admit those are some pretty badass penguins.
-
4. Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole (2010)
Polarizing action director Zack Snyder (Sucker Punch, Man of Steel) made his most underrated movie to date with 2010's Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole, an all-animated adventure about a secret society of armored owls who have to save the world from sci-fi Nazi owls, and that's just badass, isn't it? Hell yeah, it is.
-
3. The Crow (1994)
Crows are pretty cool to begin with, but when they raise rock stars from the dead to avenge the death of their murdered girlfriends, they become badass. In Alex Proyas's The Crow, the title bird finds Brandon Lee's future victims and bestows upon him supernatural invulnerability. It doesn't get much more badass than that.
-
2. The Hobbit (1977)
Some people think the eagles from The Lord of the Rings belong on this list, but they're not badasses, they're jerks who stay out of world affairs unless a personal friend is in immediate danger. But the thrush from Rankin/Bass's The Hobbit not only reveals the entrance to Smaug's lair but also keeps Bilbo Baggins company when all the dwarves chicken out and laps the fire-breathing dragon to give Laketown the vital information they need to exploit Smaug's only weakness. In short, if you think about it, a damned thrush killed Smaug. That bird kicks ass.
-
1. The Secret of NIMH (1982)
Don Bluth's animated classic The Secret of NIMH has plenty of unforgettable moments, but none were more traumatic to our childhoods than the appearance of The Great Owl, voiced by John Carradine. Subverting the kindly image of "wise owls" by emphasizing just how huge and terrifying these birds are to smaller animals, complete with a horrifically crushed bug, The Secret of NIMH presented audiences with the most badass, unforgettable movie bird in history.
