Marisa Miller was at the Grammys last night. I don’t know why, because she has nothing to do with music, but turns out she has a lot to do with my penis. My penis really, really loves Marissa Miller, but he’s afraid that stereotypes and ignorance will make people not be able to see his true self. He’s cultured in the arts and in the sciences and enjoys reading books on constitutional law. Why, just yesterday, we were discussing how Jackson Pollock used synthetic resin-based paints called alkyd enamels during his Springs period. “This was novel at the time, ” my penis said.
Disclaimer: This article contains mentions of cannibalism and sexual abuse. Reader discretion is advised. In a recent Instagram video, Armie…