Heidi Montag was in a bikini doing whatever the hell she does on a beach in the Bahamas this weekend, and as much as I hate her, I’d probably hit it. Who am I kidding? For the past two weeks my penis has been like a lion that just escaped from the zoo. If you have a body like this you might as well be a limping gazelle.
Disclaimer: This article contains mentions of cannibalism and sexual abuse. Reader discretion is advised. In a recent Instagram video, Armie…
