Christina Hendricks Is Whoring For Scotch

I realize homosexuals (“Straight guys think she’s fat, so I think she’s fab!”) and women (“I’m just as big as she is, that means I’m sexy too!”) love Christina Hendricks, but she’s just a soulless ginger with a busted face, jagged teeth, and well-placed fat deposits who lives in a time where technological advancements such as Spanx and corsets infused with Adamantium have helped her become a sex symbol. I guess what I’m saying is that she’s not attractive. “But Todd, Todd, she has huge tits!” Aretha Franklin has huge tits, too. Why don’t you go fuck her? No? Racist.