BRACE YOURSELF: Megan Fox Is Doing Interviews Again

Besides being insanely hot, Megan Fox was best known in Hollywood for Transformers and saying dumb shit repeatedly. Her pregnancy shut that whole thing down for awhile, but she’s not pregnant anymore. And she did an interview with Esquire. Hold on to your fucking hat.

She compared Lindsay Lohan to Marilyn Monroe:

“She wasn’t powerful at the time. She was sort of like Lindsay. She was an actress who wasn’t reliable, who almost wasn’t insurable…She had all the potential in the world, and it was squandered. I’m not interested in following those footsteps.”

She thinks Bigfoot exists:

“Would you not be so much more interested in finding out that Bigfoot existed than in watching a really good movie? I believe in aliens…Loch Ness monster—there’s something to it…There’s the Bell Witch…What distracts me from my reality is Bigfoot. They are my celebrities.”

On why you should feel sorry for her because she’s rich and famous:

“I don’t think people understand. They all think we should shut the f–k up and stop complaining because you live in a big house or you drive a Bentley. So your life must be great. “What people don’t realize is that fame, whatever your worst experience in high school, when you were being bullied by those 10 kids in high school, fame is that, but on a global scale, where you’re being bullied by millions of people constantly.”

She goes to church. And speaks in tongues:

“The energy is so intense in the room that you feel like anything can happen,” she said, adding that she’s “read the Book of Revelation a million times.” “I have seen magical, crazy things happen. I’ve seen people be healed. Even now, in the church I go to, during Praise and Worship, I could feel that I was maybe getting ready to speak in tongues, and I’d have to shut it off because I don’t know what that church would do if I started screaming out in tongues in the back. It feels like a lot of energy coming through the top of your head — I’m going to sound like such a lunatic — and then your whole body is filled with this electric current. And you just start speaking, but you’re not thinking because you have no idea what you’re saying. Words are coming out of your mouth, and you can’t control it. The idea is that it’s a language that only God understands. It’s the language that’s spoken in heaven. It’s called ‘getting the Holy Ghost.”

She thinks the Book of Revelations is literal and the Antichrist is the Internet:

“I’ve read the Book of Revelation a million times,” Megan Fox says. “It does not make sense, obviously. It needs to be decoded. What is the dragon? What is the prostitute? What are these things? What is this imagery? What was John seeing? And I was just thinking, What is the Antichrist?” When war breaks out in the Holy Land, like it is right now, if that is a sign of the immediate end times, then where are the other signs? Is it possible that it’s the Internet or fame itself or celebrity?”

She thinks aliens buried treasure and she believes in actual leprechauns:

“I feel like there’s stuff literally buried there and buried where the Maya were,” she says. Ancient aliens who gave rise to ancient civilizations on earth. “I would like to uncover the secrets of the universe. In my fantasy. I believe in all of this stuff. I believe in all of it….I like believing. I believe in all of these Irish myths, like leprechauns. Not the pot of gold, not the Lucky Charms leprechauns. But maybe was there something in the traditional sense? I believe that this stuff came from somewhere other than people’s imaginations….

Good god, man. She must leave permanent scars and cause PTSD every time she decides to bang somebody, because that’s a shitload of crazy. Hats off to you, Brian Austin Green. Hats off to you, sir.