I don't know what the 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit is, but damn. Thanks for having it. Because you remember when Jessica Simpson was your favorite dog and you would pet her and tell her how much you loved her then she got rabies and it gave you the sads, because you still wanted to love her but there was nothing there to love anymore? You do? Awesome. Because if you weren't good with metaphors, Jessica Simpson was one of the hottest chicks on earth because she hit the penis trifecta of dumb, blonde, huge rack. Then she got pregnant for like eight years and turned into some kind of weird, bloated, mutation of a Jessica Simpson. Dark times. Well, this is what she looks like now. Keep in mind she has two kids, and usually after a woman has two kids, she's figuratively taken out into a field and shot then buried in PTA sweatpants. Jessica Simpson is in this dress. I'll leave you to it.
Jessica Simpson 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
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11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
Featuring: Jessica Simpson
Where: Los Angeles, California, United States
When: 13 Apr 2014
Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com
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John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit 2014
Featuring: Jessica Simpson
Where: West Hollywood, California, United States
When: 13 Apr 2014
Credit: Nikki Nelson/WENN.com
John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit 2014
Featuring: Jessica Simpson
Where: West Hollywood, California, United States
When: 13 Apr 2014
Credit: Nikki Nelson/WENN.com
John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit 2014
Featuring: Jessica Simpson
Where: West Hollywood, California, United States
When: 13 Apr 2014
Credit: Nikki Nelson/WENN.com
Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson leave The John Varvatos 11th Annual Stuart House Benefit in West Hollywood
Featuring: Jessica Simpson
Where: Los Angeles, California, United States
When: 13 Apr 2014
Credit: TC/David Durocher/WENN.com
11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
Featuring: Jessica Simpson
Where: Los Angeles, California, United States
When: 13 Apr 2014
Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com