Photo: Steven Puetzer (Getty)
Dating is hard enough with all the psychos, sociopaths and terrible Tinder profiles out there. But we’re telling you there’s something much more important to look out for: women with names you should never date. We’ll tell you why that is. A name is something given at birth to a girl, which she carries with her all her life; a small, yet crucial, detail that will manifest itself over time, especially if it’s a dog’s name, like Bailey.
You think your relationship is going along just fine and then, poof, she’s ripped your genitalia from your body in a moving car and thrown it out the window. How did you get here? We’ll tell you how. You dated a girl with a name you should’ve never dated in the first place.
Herein we’ll give you the skinny on the best dating tip of all: girl names to avoid. Whether it’s Brittani spelled with an “I” instead of a simple “Y” or Britney, who’s just asking for a life of ruin, we’ve got the goods on girls to avoid. And you’ll come back one day and thank us that you avoided that Tammy, the one who’s in prison for drowning her husband after he bought her regular Cheerios instead of the honey nut ones. It’s the little big things, guys.
Girls with Names You Should Never Date and Why That Is
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Girl Names You Should Never Date
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"Two First Namers"
Photo: via quickmeme.com
Mom always told you not to trust someone with two first names. Mary Jo? Kelsey Sue? We think not. Look at Paul Ryan. Guy goes against Trump and now just can't get enough.
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"Rhymes With Female Anatomy"
Photo: Pinterest
It's bad enough when you can't remember a girl's name, but when it rhymes with the female anatomy, you know your friends are going to be all over that.
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'Stripper Names"
Photo: Columbia Pictures
The mistresses of the world are going to have to step aside or head to the courthouse, because we're not bringing a girl named Love or Lust to Thanksgiving. It was bad enough bringing the girl from Hooters to Mother's Day. Grandma was never the same.
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"Tammy"
If you watched Parks and Recreation, you know what a terror a Tammy can be. Do you know one you can trust not to cut your balls off in the heat of the night? We didn't think so.
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"Chelseas Before Kelseys"
Photo: via premiermodelmanagement.com
As a rule of thumb, you can trust Chelseas, but Kelseys are another thing. A Chelsea typically has a warmth about her that makes you feel at home. Meanwhile, Kelseys are wild fires likely to burn down that home. You know it to be true. It's like good versus evil.
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"Using Middle Names As Last Names On Facebook"
Photo: Wordpress
Is it because there are so many guys creeping on you on social media? Or is that you think so many guys are creeping on you? Girls who use their middle names as last names are probably about a seven posing as a nine or ten. That, or they have no appreciation for the gift of a family tree. Rotten apple!
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"Names You Can't Pronounce"
Photo: via BabyCentre
If you can't get it on the first try, there's no point in going further. When you have to use a device to remember how to say her name, it's going to become a problem. You'll lose arguments. You'll shout the wrong name in bed. Your credibility will be tarnished.
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"Or Worse, Girls Using Middle Names As First Names"
Photo: via photoshdwallpapers.com
Everything is going just fine until you realize you're dating a compulsive liar who uses her middle name as her first name. What else are you lying about, Laura Witherspoon!?
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"Names Trashier Than Necessary"
Photo: via Vice
If her mother had just named her Brittany, it could've all been so much easier. No shaved head, no tanking career. Then again, the weird spelling probably got her foot in the door, along with all those sweet fedoras.
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"Isis"
Photo: via SouthFront
It's a thing. Let's not go into it.
