Photos Courtesy of Kate Quigley, Photo: Michael Falco @Falcofoto
This week’s edition of Risky Tips has Kate Quigley, lady comedian and #DateFails extraordinaire, moving direct messages in the right direction.
We’ve all done it: slid our DMs in boxes where they may or may not belong. When it comes to direct messaging, there’s a right way and there’s a wrong way. Actually, mostly just wrong ways. But if you’re going to do it, you might as well do it with a little help from Kate, which is why she’s going to navigate for you the dos and don’ts of social media and the slippery world of DMs.
Kate Quigley’s riskiest tip: Drawing The Proverbial Line In The Sheets
Follow Kate on Instagram and subscribe to her YouTube.
DMs
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DO: Appear to be Single
If you’re using Instagram to date, god help your poor soul. Just know if every third picture is you with a different hot girl, we'll assume you have sex with half unless you specify it's your sister or #friends.
That’s fine if it’s true, but women stalk social media like vulture scavenging the Earth. For me personally, if a guy DMs me but doesn’t follow me first, I assume he’s not single. I immediately assume it’s because he knows he'll get in trouble with "someone." No follow equals no reply.
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DON'T: Be Not Single
Let's back up real quick. When we say "appear" single, we mean you need to be single. The last thing we want is angry DMs from your now-ex-girlfriend. That's as bad as seeing your dick before we see your face (or period).
Have a little respect for the woman you're messaging, the girls you may be dating, and save a little for yourself while you're at it.
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DO: Appear Interesting
If we like your message, we'll look at your page. Have a life. Show who you are. Don’t have 45 pictures of you shirtless surrounding pictures of you kissing your car on its hood. We'll analyze that one to death.
And try to avoid quoting Marilyn Monroe and Kanye in your bios. Also, no red hats.
More With Kate: Risky Tips: My Girlfriend Is Suffocating Me
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DON'T: Lead With Sex
Without stating the obvious thing many guys use DMs for, however small and bent it may be, no girl wants to see that from a guy she doesn't know.
For guys, that would be the equivalent of showing you pictures a burn victim from a fire in a town you've never been to. Instead, lead off with an enthusiastic "hello!" or comment something funny, clever or thoughtful on one of our posts.
Leading with a lewd photo tells us you have no game and feel you can only lay your cards on the table. All of your gross, hairy, usually misshapen cards.
If you're not careful, those will get a repost.
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DO: Say What Women Need to Hear
I almost feel guilty giving it away, but it’s such a great tip. Look for the most obvious DM she probably gets, then go the complete opposite direction. Target what you doubt she hears often.
We know Prince Charming isn't likely to hang out in a lady's direct message box, but if you tell us to throw our makeup in the river after we post a nasty photo when we're sick and bedridden, that's a pretty good start.
Maybe you could work up to bringing us soup (once we run a background check and clear you of homicides, of course)!
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DON'T: Don't Be a Private Account (Or Show Your Privates)
Private tells us you probably do have a few skeletons in your closet, but without a glance, we'll never know.
Would you take sweaty Jolly Ranchers from the garbage man without getting to know him first? Of course not.
But seriously, my guy friend scored a date with the girl of his dreams after he sent a DM to this hot, famous girl with millions of followers, and he did it by complimenting her mind and making himself presentable. He didn't lean in hard and tell her everything she already hears on a daily basis.
So there you go, fellas. Get creative. And go after whoever you want! No one is out of anyone’s league when you say the right thing (again, unless you're a raving lunatic.)
