Being a man is hard enough with everyone in the world expecting you to do amazing things and be a real hero. It’s like nobody cares that you’re a person with real feelings, desires, and problems. Big dick problems to be more specific. It’s not like they give one of these bad boys to every gentleman who walks the face of the Earth. If you’re well-endowed, you know there’s no instruction manual and definitely no warning label. This is where we come in. Here are 10 big dick problems nobody planned to tell you about, but we did because we care.
Photo: Björn Forenius (Getty Images)
Get some: The Current Sex Recession Is Making ‘The 40-Year-Old Virgin’ Plot All Too Real
Expectation vs. reality: 7 Obvious Ways Porn Is Nothing Like the Sex You’re Having
When it comes to big dick problems, you’ve obviously got some. Don’t we all? Sound off about which is most annoying to you in the comments!
Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Big Dick Problems
-
It Doesn't Guarantee a Yes
Although having a giant dong might make you feel important, not all women (or men) want all that manhood. Expect to be rejected once in a while because it will happen.
-
Maintenance Is Necessary
Just because your wang of above-average size doesn't mean you can stop taking care of it. Grooming, cleaning, and self-love are all things you need to do to keep your big dick in tip-top shape.
-
Feedback Isn't Always Positive
There's a difference between a big penis and a giant one. A giant penis is scary and not always needed or wanted. So prepare your ego for some unexpected, shocking, and possibly unflattering reactions if you're really packin'.
-
It Finds a Way to Showcase Itself
Case in point: the Hammaconda. Poor Jon Hamm happened to be out for a stroll in sweatpants and that elegant equipment between his legs overpowered his pants and became its own phenomenon. You could be next.
-
You're Attached to It, Not the Other Way Around
It's true. For many, you'll simply be the human connected to a fine piece of machinery. Deal with it.
-
It Will Attract the Oddest Situations
If you've got a penis of notable size, word will inevitably get around. And that word will land you with at least one story about your threesome with twins during spring break.
-
It Won't Change Your Life
Like, sure, it might land you some primo ass, but if you're a low life, you'll always be a low life. Just like, a low life who fucks way out of your pay grade.
-
You Have to Use It Responsibly
Meaning only on consenting adults. No kids. No animals. No weird stuff. Just grown-ups with the wherewithal to know that sex with you means needing a walker the next day.
-
Avoid Sweatpants
Seriously, avoid sweatpants unless you want to showcase the goods. (And why would you need to do that?!)
-
It's a Vortex
A big dick is a vortex that people get lost in. Prevent people from becoming obsessed with your amazing penis by having good boundaries and communicating your needs early on.
