When it comes to the holidays, there are two types of people in the world. Those being crept on and those doing the creeping. That’s why the holidays are so full of hilarious attempts at human connection. Because if we’re not coupled up by Christmas, our awkward survival mode kicks into high gear and screams in our ear that if we don’t find love immediately then we will probably die alone. And from this panic, creep moves are born. Here are 11 such tactics to look for and sidestep during your holiday break so you can come out the other side unscathed and unsullied.
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Holiday Creep Moves
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The Elder Creep
Holiday parties bridge the age gap like nobody's business. And when Nana Dolores sees a young buck like you on the other side of that bridge, she's going to want to cross it. Heads up, you're about to be creeped on by an aging cougar.
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The Eggnog Enthusiast
His enthusiasm for eggnog is suspicious. He plies you with the chunky goop until you're so drunk you can't feel your lips. Quickly excuse yourself and phone a friend. Tell them you are about to enter Dawson's Creep and you need a life jacket.
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The Cousin Thigh Grab
After a couple of eggnogs, you'll be grabbing your cousin's thighs like an old French monarch. Time out. You're being a creep and need to remind yourself to date outside the bloodline.
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The Lurker
Loneliness is a strange companion. It can drive people to all manner of wacky behavior, like lurking in your neighbor's thorn bush until they invite you in for a cup of tea. Warning: you may be acting creepy.
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The Bedroom Creep
He waits in your bedroom until the party is over, hoping to seduce you with his tiger-like physique. Casually make your way to the pepper spray in your purse. You've got a creeper in your midst.
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Secret Santa
You rearrange everyone's secret Santa until the person you're pining for is cornered by your inappropriately large gift. This is a classic creeper wake-up call. Answer it.
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Sister Act
You've got nothing to do for the holidays so you hit a friend's family get-together where you discover he has sisters. Let the creeping begin.
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The False Ride
They offer to drive you home, then accidentally take you back to their place where they conveniently run out of gas. Pump the brakes. You've got a creeper on your hands.
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The Too Drunk to Take Responsibility Creep
Anyone who's ever had too much to drink knows what it's like to make an ass of themselves. But the perennial souse with the predictably bad behavior is a particular kind of cretin. They blame their indiscretions on alcohol, knowing full well that alcohol is an innocent victim in all this. Make a wide berth around this person. They are a career creep.
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The Party Snatcher
Every single office party, shindig, bash, and get-together is an opportunity to trick some drunkard into kissing you, because love at first sight is easy when they're blind drunk. Slow your roll before you quickly become creeper of the year.
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Mistletoe Creep
The all-time frontrunner of hopeful hookups begins and ends with the mistletoe creep. It's basically against the law not to kiss someone under this decorative shrub on Christmas. Don't use the law to be a creep. That's what politicians are for.
