Americans are obsessed with artificial flavors. Oreos used to come in one variety; now they come in dozens (many of which make us want to toss our cookies). Kraft tried to autumn-ize its classic mac ‘n’ cheese by sprinkling it with pumpkin spice (eww) and Waffle House released its own bacon-flavored beer. Why can’t our food and drinks just taste like whatever they’re supposed to taste like? Why the chameleon-like metamorphoses?
If you think the food and drink industries have gone too far with their Frankenstein creations, we have bad news for you. Not only has Pepsi infused its cola with a new flavor, but it’s also one that nobody really wants to drink. What is it, you ask? Apple Pie Pepsi.
1500 bottles while supplies last. Ends 12/7/20.
— Pepsi (@pepsi) November 17, 2020
The limited-edition flavor boasts “warm notes of cinnamon, the taste of a buttery crust, and the crispness of a fresh apple” (according to the brand). What we don’t get is: in what world would you choose to drink your apple pie instead of eat it? (Unless you have dentures. But even then…no.)
We get it: pie-baking is labor-intensive and often involves flour-powered disasters, gummy crust, or overflowing filling that burns to the bottom of your oven. But no one ever said you had to bake a pie to eat a pie! You have heard of bakeries, right?
While marketing geniuses at Pepsi pat themselves on the back for upping the nostalgia factor this holiday season with this (thankfully) short-lived beverage, we’ll be in the bathroom puking our guts up and wishing we’d dropped the $30 to eat a real all-American dessert from our local pie-maker.
Cover Photo: Pepsi
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