Nope.
That was my reaction upon seeing footage of ‘Workie,’ the completely-real-no-I-am-not-lying-to-you new mascot unveiled by the UK government who “aims to change the country’s perception of pensions in the workplace.”
Nope. I’m not having this. We’re grown adults. We don’t need the benefits of a workplace pension conveyed to us by a giant rainbow-coloured bear thing, plodding around in a park and trying to terrorise people into accepting the inevitability of a workplace pension.
Look at him here, trying to accost a group of women and children into signing up for a pension with his giant body and suspiciously friendly face:
Considering that Workie is clearly intended to look like a charming, cuddly cartoon character, the description for the campaign’s video is a little disconcerting, with it reading: “Don’t ignore the workplace pension. It’s the law.”
Is Workie going to be the one to enforce this law? If we don’t all sign up, will he march up behind us and swallow us whole? Is this the threat that’s being issued to us here?
If this wasn’t bad enough, the government have said that they see Workie as “the physical embodiment of workplace pensions.” Now I don’t know about your pension, but I don’t imagine mine to look anything like this fucking monstrosity. For one, Workie looks pretty happy and energetic, when we all know that the majority of us aren’t going to be able to retire until we’re practically dead and thoroughly miserable as a result. If Workie really is the physical embodiment of the workplace pension, I should imagine that beneath that joyous exterior he’s being eaten alive by the anxiety of watching the years pass by and still not being in the advantageous financial position that will allow him to care for his loved ones after his death.
Workie will make his first appearance on TV at 7:25pm tonight. I hope it involves him being taken out the back and shot.
