There are some jacked up things going on down in Florida. As a matter of fact, there are so many disturbing things happening in the Sunshine State, we’re willing to bet that you won’t be able to differentiate between a bizarre news headline from Florida or a storyline from a postapocalyptic movie.
1. A guy gets bitten by a shark after being struck by lightning, punched by monkeys and bitten by a rattlesnake.
2. A man tries to subtly pump gas while driving with an 800-pound shark in the back of his pickup truck.
3. A man shoots someone because they were unable to score ten points in a basketball game.
4. A middle-aged man claims to be from the future to stop a virus outbreak before police are forced to shoot him as he attempts to board an airplane.
5. A crazed squirrel attacks a man after he tries to take a picture with it.
6. A crazed priest attacks a man that was wandered in his church.
7. A man walks into a bar, drinks $80 in shots then starts fighting everyone and tries to set the place on fire.
8. A man is spotted standing in the middle of the street yelling at a mannequin.
9. A guy tries to rob a store where he works, but accidentally shoots himself with a stun gun.
10. A group of men try to fight a bunch of monkeys that escaped from a holding facility as they try to return to the wild.
11. A man pretends to be a pterodactyl and keeps squawking at everyone before getting tased.
12. A group of individuals secretly lived in a mall for weeks without anyone on the outside noticing.
Answer Key Below:
1. FLORIDA: Erik Norrie of Tampa probably needs to find a hobby that he can do indoors after being attacked by every ridiculous thing in nature that could possibly harm you. I’m not sure what you’re doing to get punched by monkeys twice, but I feel like one time would be enough for me not to go back.
2. FLORIDA: A photograph was taken in Pensacola of a man filling his truck with gas while one of the largest sharks ever caught was hanging out of the back of his truck tied up next to his cooler. The shark was estimated at 11 feet long and over 800 pounds.
3. MOVIE: This is actually from “Escape From L.A.” Cuervo Jones explains the rules of his game, which seem quite unfair:
“Two hoops, full court. Ten-second shot clock. Miss a shot, you get shot. Shot clock buzzer goes off before you shoot, you get shot. Two points for a basket, no three-point bullshit. All you gotta do is get ten points. That’s it … By the way, nobody’s ever walked off that court alive. Nobody.”
4. MOVIE: Luckily this is from the 1995 film “Twelve Monkeys.” Bruce Willis is sent back in time to try and stop the release of a deadly virus that will wipe out almost all of humanity. Unfortunately, he fails and is killed at the airport before the carrier can be stopped.
5. FLORIDA: A guy in Tampa attempted to take a selfie with a squirrel, for some reason, when the fluffy-tailed rat went nuts and tried to grab the phone out of his hand before attacking him. Even the squirrels in Florida are crazed.
6. MOVIE: I’m sure this has probably happened in reality, but it’s actually from Danny Boyle’s “28 Days Later.” Cillian Murphy wakes up in a hospital, unaware of the zombie outbreak that has wiped out the world, and wanders into a church where he is attacked by an infected priest.
7. FLORIDA: A 33-year-old man in South Daytona took a ridiculous amount of shots before setting a trashcan on fire in the bathroom. When he tried to leave everyone attempted to stop him, but he just started punching everyone in the face. One of the men he attacked was over 70 years old. He was arrested soon after.
8. MOVIE: Will Smith fans will know this scene from “I Am Legend,” but the reason they may try to forget it is because it’s the scene that leads to the Fresh Prince having to murder his dog after she gets infected with the virus. What? I’m not crying; you’re crying.
9. FLORIDA: A 20-year-old man in Clearwater was attempting to rob the Radio Shack where he works. He pepper-sprayed one of his co-workers and tried to use a stun gun on her but accidentally shot himself with it. The best part is that he tried to show up to work 6 hours later. That’s when police found the pepper spray and stun gun still in his car.
10. MOVIE: Technically, the world hadn’t become postapocalyptic in “Rise of the Planet of the Apes,” but the beginning of the end was a giant battle that took place as the apes attempted to cross the Golden Gate Bridge while the military tried to destroy them.
11. FLORIDA: A man in Winter Haven was chased through Legoland for around 30 minutes after his unruly behavior, which included squawking at guests. When he was asked his name, he said “Pterodactyl” before running down the park’s lazy river.
12. MOVIE: After the world has become overrun by zombies, a group of survivors take shelter in a local mall in “Dawn of the Dead.” Why on earth did they want to leave the mall to try and find a boat and sail out to an island? You’re in a mall with everything you could possibly need!
