Let’s start by acknowledging one thing: some people can’t leave their house and make it down the block without stepping in shit. And in a similar vein, there are those who couldn’t even make it a week into 2020 before completely blowing it. Like a runner who trips at the starting gun, a graduate who face-plants after receiving their diploma, or a pilot who crashes the plane while taxiing, these 10 eager fails represent the low bar of humanity in 2020 thus far. Let’s take a look at some spectacularly punctual bungles. (Warning: may cause feelings of anxiety and/or superiority.)
Photo: Michael Patrick O’Leary (Getty Images)
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8 Early Fails of 2020
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BAFTAs Turn Pale
BAFTA released their nominees for Best Actor and there was a surprising lack of diversity (aka every nominee was white). Rather than spread the love, BAFTA chose to nominate two white women twice. In a year of outstanding performances from across the diversity spectrum, BAFTA has missed the mark completely.
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ExxonMobil Wishes Australia a 'Fun' New Year
Fossil fuel giant ExxonMobil sent warm wishes to Australia, ringing in the new year with calls for "fun." Unfortunately, the country is currently being ravaged by massive bush fires, a consequence of climate catastrophe that Exxon researchers predicted would happen back in the 1980s if fuel consumption continued unchecked. Oh well, it's the thought that counts.
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NRA Publicizes Gun-Loving Sheriff
A Virginia sheriff has vowed to deputize "thousands" looking to defend their gun rights. The NRA celebrated the move in a recent blog, saying, "America has more guns than citizens and murder has long been illegal. At best, the proposed gun restrictions will disarm or handicap our law-abiding in their defense." Huh. Interesting takeaway on mass shooting data.
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John McAfee Breaks His Promise
Infamous tech mogul John McAfee promised to "eat my dick" on national TV if the value of Bitcoin hadn't reached $1 million by 2020. Bitcoin is sitting around $7,500 today, but McAfee now refuses to eat his own dick. We guess eating his own words will have to suffice.
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Anyone Wearing a CVS Receipt Scarf
OK, these are pretty awesome. (And hilarious.) But please refrain from getting too excited lest we have another singing wall trout on our hands.
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Women Who Accidentally Set German Zoo on Fire
Over 30 animals perished in a zoo fire after floating lanterns lit by a mother and her two adult daughters landed on a nearby ape sanctuary. The structure instantly went up in flames, prompting one of the biggest awkward apologies in German history.
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The Entire State Government of Louisiana
Way back in 1999, the Governor of Louisiana vowed to transform the quality of life in his state by 2020. Twenty years later, as officials returned to their posts at the start of the new year, they realized that they hadn't accomplished any of their goals. Oh well, there's always next century.
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KBB Best Cars of 2020
The consumer car agency released their number one pick of the year, and it's an SUV that only gets 21 mpg. With climate concerns racing to the top of the world's to-do list, their choice is a grave misstep in the wrong direction.
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Resident Trump
Our resident Trump began the year with the killing of Iran's second-in-command, Qasem Soleimani. As if he wasn't blowing it enough, Trump decided to escalate an already tenuous situation in the Middle East. This blatant assassination has led to a unanimous vote by neighboring Iraqi parliament to kick all U.S. troops out of the country, and sparked a vengeance war from an enraged Iran. Interesting way to start an election year.
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CES...Again
Ivanka Trump was invited to give a keynote address at this year's CES in Las Vegas. The public was confused by the decision, noting that Ivanka lacks the vision and tech expertise of other more qualified candidates. Not to mention, she's a product of gross nepotism, which is as far from cutting edge as it gets. Seriously, CES, get yourself a piece of technology that tells you which way the wind is blowing.
