Rebuilding your life in a rural town isn’t easy, especially if you’re David Rose (Daniel Levy) from Schitt’s Creek. The sarcastic, naive, and melodramatic David has been a standout character on the show since its premiere in 2016. Due to his previous wealth, David finds Schitt’s Creek gross and awful when he first arrives—two adjectives that could very well describe our world at the moment.
Thanks to COVID-19 (among other things), you, like David, might be “trying very hard not to connect with people right now.” With the proper amount of jovial wit and humor, sometimes you just gotta tell people to “eat glass.” With that in mind, here’s The David Rose Guide to Living in a World Where Everybody Is Gross and Awful.
Cover Photo: Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC)
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David Rose Guide
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Don't be afraid to douse the flames (or fuel them).
Whether you're at a tailgate party that just doesn't agree with your meticulously developed sensibilities or just watched a 2020 presidential debate, there's no shame in dulling those scathing wits for a moment. Your fellow party-goers/civilians will thank you. Unless you're an angry drunk, then you should probably just go home.
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Don't let others be a little B.
Because they can be, oh can they be.
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Panic sporadically (but not all the time).
Just because you're a hypochondriac doesn't mean you're wrong 100 percent of the time. Wait, calm down. Stress is understandable. Stock up on lavender bath salts, face cream, and eye mask stuff from Rose Apothecary, tend to your nerves, and take a breather.
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Remember that most people don't care.
All of your insecurities and every mistake you've made, most of the time, you're the only one who noticed it and/or is still thinking about it.
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Avoid melodrama.
Just kidding, embrace it.
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What he said...
Still, try to stay optimistic. Sometimes being forced to live in the Rosebud Motel can be a blessing in disguise.
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You're under no obligation to say yes. Ever.
If you don't want to do something, don't. Unless Moira asks for help auditioning for The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening or Alexis needs relationship advice.
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Refuse to retain any information that doesn't directly pertain to you.
This is the age of division—of crowded web pages and social networking services. A self-centered extravaganza of epic proportions. Opinions are indeed like assholes, everyone does have one. So relish in your own...at first.
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While simultaneously learning to listen and appreciate other people.
Sharing is caring.
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Work on your trust issues.
David was surrounded by bad people when he lived in New York. One of the reasons he's so sensitive is because, in the past, his friends have always criticized him or spread rumors. When he moved to Schitt's Creek, he had trouble believing that people actually meant what they said. If you have similar emotional issues, maybe your circle isn't the greatest? If you're already up Schitt Creek, give newbies the benefit of the doubt.
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Hold others to a higher standard.
Eating other people's food is never OK. Don't do it or allow others to.
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Stand your ground.
Because if someone were to break into your motel room in the middle of the night, they would attack the bed closest to the door. So, take the bed furthest away. Or, more generally, stand up for what you believe in.
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Your body is your temple. You can treat it like a rockstar's hotel room if you're so inclined.
And then when you realize that was stupid, open your own wellness store.
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Ask important questions.
For example, "What kind of sociopath abandons her family in some vomit-soaked dump to galavant around the world with her dumb, shipping-heir, loser boyfriend she's known for three months?!"
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Dress accordingly.
Just because you're broke doesn't mean you can't have good taste— sweaters and sunglasses.
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Still, if those pants cost more than Stevie's car, they're a bad investment, especially in this economy.
Budget your money. Thrift shops and discount racks are a thing.
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Call bullshit.
There's a lot of it. Everywhere.
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Don't shy away from difficult conversations.
Disagreement can (and should) lead to compromise.
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Ceiling mirrors are never a good idea.
It never looks like it does on Pornhub.
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Take a look in the mirror (the one on the wall).
Most of what David complains about, he does himself. Everything he sees wrong with Schitt's Creek is exacerbated by his own vanity. It's David and his family's journey to self-realization that makes the series so heartfelt and, for lack of a better term, effective. So, while it's OK to pity people for their horrible taste in fashion, always be kind.
