I love a good, creative giveaway. I really do. The Rays’ “Moore Cowbell” was genius. So is the upcoming Mariners cap with a bottle-opener in the rim.
But, most of the time the promotions are boring and repetitive. Let’s get better, MLB.
How? I’m glad you asked, because I cooked up some ideas in the lab.
Take a look.
Cubs
Bring Your Goat to the Game
The only way to break the curse is to let folks bring in those Billies.
Yankees
Free Legal Advice by A-Rod Night
The slugger will win hearts back as he pays for lawyers to work in the concourses all night long giving the same level of treatment he got.
Rays
Blow Up Doll Giveaway
This isn’t for sex, sickos. This is to double the size of the crowd on TV.
Phillies
Ryan Howard Giveaway
Literally, you can take him home for free. He’s tall. He can reach top shelves.
Reds
Cueto Countdown Clock Giveaway
A clock that counts down the time before Cueto leaves at the trade deadline.
A’s
Do-It-Yourself Jersey Giveaway
The team supplies the jersey and felt letters but it is up to you to keep up with the roster changes.
Dumpster Dive Lecture
“Learn how to get value from nothing” by Professor Billy Beane.
Dodgers
Quick Getaway Night
The first 10k fans get a pass that lets them by-pass traffic upon exit. Thus, allowing them to stay the whole game without traffic worries.
Flashlight Giveaway
It is one way we help fans find their cars.
White Sox
Shorts Pants Flashback Doubleheader
Any fan who wears 70s replica shorts to the day game will get a pair of pants for the night matchup.
Pajamas and Pillows Giveaway
Even we know how boring we are.
Red Sox
Men’s Grooming Kit Giveaway
… Because they aren’t using it.
House a Red Sox Night
We really don’t have room for all of these guys… can one of them come stay with you?
Braves
Cardboard Box Day
Each fan in attendance gets a box to take home and store… then bring back to the new suburban stadium.
Related: 13 Ways To Make Your Fantasy Baseball League Better
Twins
Legends Throwback Night for #7
Let’s all remember that former Twin great, Joe Mauer.
Rockies
Tulowitzki Fragile Bobblehead
Get a free mini-Tulo in April and if it is still in one piece in September then you get a free ticket.
Yankees
Tulowitzki Jersey Night
Let’s be honest, since it is only a matter of time.
Giants
One-Page Calendar Giveaway
The calendar only features October since that seems to be the only month the team cares about.
San Jose Appreciation Night
Anyone from Oakland is barred from the station. He’s with us now, sweetie.
Sweaty Chevy Truck Guy Metal Beverage Cooler Giveaway
Who didn’t love that MVP awarding big man who stumbled his way into our hearts?
Astros
Youth Contract Day
Anyone under 14 in attendance gets signed.
Bingo Card Day
Every time you recognize a player, mark your card.
Diamondbacks
Fans Manage the Game
From the Bill Veeck playbook, the fans will manage from the stands using giant cards. This really isn’t a gimmick since the D-Backs have no clue what they are doing.
Luchador Mask Giveaway
Hide your shame, Arizona. Oh… they actually do this giveaway for real. (Evidently, so did the Padres.) Ouch.
Mets
Matt Harvey Giant Poster
The future of the franchise is much beloved but no one knows his face in the Big Apple.
2017 Calendar Giveaway
Not this year… not next year… the year after the year, we will be good.
Rangers
Mea Culpa Chulpa Night
Every fan is greeted at the gate by Prince Fielder, who apologizes for last year and hands over a chulpa.
Leftover Medikit Day
We swear we are done with them.
Padres
All-Star Day
The home heroes will wear their jerseys from the previous year.
Kids Piggybank Giveaway
It comes pre-broken.
Tigers
Run the Bases for Us
Bum knees, kids. You understand, right?
Orioles
Petition Drive
Move us to the National League since it is our only chance.
“The Wire” Appreciation Day
Because nothing brings the key MLB demographic of old white men together quicker than someone gushing over Baltimore’s own “The Wire”.
Nationals
Ryan Zimmerman Bobble-arm
No two throws are the same!
Cardinals
Raiders Test Night
Let’s see if the good natured Midwest folks can wear all black and spikes as a marketing test for the Raiders to take the Rams place.
This is mostly for everyone else in the world. Instead of hearing the self-made boast by the Redbird Nation, we can just read the shirt.
Brewers
Ryan Braun Souvenir Pee Cup with Free Miller
Presented by FedEx.
Mike Fiers Two Sticks Night
In honor of the man who throws under 90 but has a 9.17 k/9 rate. Since each K will take a long time, fans can rub the two sticks together long enough to get Fiers.
Indians
LeBron Bobblehead
Please come to a game, Cleveland. We have LeBron tonight. 😀
Heritage Night
Let us remember our great forefathers Pedro Cerrano and Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn.
Royals
Commemorative Cigar Night
Who says they can’t have a cigar for second place?
Blue Jays
R.A. Dickey Fan Appreciation Night
Your beloved knuckleballer will throw out gifts to Section 102… no 104… nope, it’s heading back to 102, 104… 106… 104….
Marlins
Home Run Ball Giveaway Presented by Giancarlo Stanton
There will be plenty.
And, to prove that I can make fun of my own team…
Mariners
A Seattle Salute to the Patriots Night
In the 9th inning, the team will hand over the ball to anyone from Boston.
Russell Wilson Ceremonial First Pitch
… caught by a member of the Union of Household Butlers.
“It is Okay, Pete” Night
All stealing is banned. Seriously, no running.
Brian Reddoch is a CraveOnline reporter and rabid fan of all teams Seattle. You can follow him on Twitter @ReddReddoch or “like” CraveOnline Sports on Facebook.
Contributions from Bryce Wilson
Photo Credit: Getty
