It takes a real dick of a human being to watch people walk into a Walmart or Sam’s Club and then steal their car while they’re busy lifting 82-packs of Mountain Dew off the shelf.
According to WPTV, that’s exactly what Calvin Rodriguez was doing in Port St. Lucie, Florida. In fact, they had suspected him of stealing at least five Honda and Acura models by using shaved keys that would start those specific brands of cars.
When police spotted Rodriguez in a Honda Civic this week, they attempted to pull him over but were initially unable to catch him after he took off at an extremely high rate of speed.
Cue an alligator trying to cross the highway.
That’s right. Thanks to an unfortunately very slow alligator, police officers were able to catch up with Rodriguez after his car collided with the reptile.
Rodriguez faces five counts of grand theft auto, and we have to be honest, that doesn’t sound like as much fun as the video game.
WPTV said the condition of the alligator was unknown, but with the officers referring to the gator as “unfortunate,” we’ll assume it’s now a set of $300 boots.
You know, the chase could have ended like this instead: Drunk Man Crashes Into Restaurant Then Gets Out and Masturbates
