You’ve been there — on a Tinder right-swipe streak, or beating a high score on Angry Birds, when someone starts talking to you. Out loud. To your face.
But how’s a person meant to interact without Emojis? Does it even count if it isn’t temporarily recorded on Snapchat? If you actually have to conduct a 1:1 conversation, IRL, follow these steps until you can successfully make it back to your screen.
Look the person speaking to you in the eye, similar to the way you keep your eyes focused on your phone’s camera when you’re taking a selfie.
When the person says things like, “Right?”, “You know?”, and “You get what I’m saying?”, smile, nod and agree.
By this point you might be ready to swipe left, but unfortunately 1:1 conversations just don’t work that way. To avoid having to actually contribute, use phrases like “Tell me more”, “Could you repeat that?” or “What does your friend/co-worker/mom think about all this?”
You know the attention you give to your phone following a new Instagram comment or a re-tweet? Pretend like that’s happening, and give the same look to the person in front of you.
When you’re face-to-face with a real person, their monologue may be disturbed by a bodily function, like a sneeze. Say “Bless you”, or, if you’re feeling fancy, “gesundheit.” You now have another three seconds of screen-time while the person in front of you recovers.
If the conversation goes on much longer, you will miss out on vital virtual ongoings. Start looking around, tapping your watch, and mumbling the words “appointment,” “meeting,” “work,” and “parole officer” indiscriminately.
Apparently there are some people who actually enjoy this kind of communication.
As soon as you’re home free, send the person you’ve been “speaking” with an Emoji, so there’s an actual record of your dialogue. This makes it real.
