This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

do you want to have a few pancakes, you wuss, or do you want to get real pic.twitter.com/W4x1Gi23Xe

— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) May 3, 2016

My girlfriend found lipstick in my pocket, I told her straight up I was cheating, there was no way I was going to confess I sell AVON .

— Mr. (@Nav_shyboy) February 5, 2013

USPS drivers after they ring your doorbell pic.twitter.com/JuRpjUDYxb

— $ (@ArlisDoNotChill) April 16, 2016

omg whys she got 2 right feet pic.twitter.com/xbvdcyvByp

— lewis (@Iewisjhardie) May 5, 2016

If I’m being honest, I’m really only ballin’ 24/5. The weekends are for family and introspection.

— Travis McElroy (@travismcelroy) May 5, 2016

Arizona freeway signs about one week away from telling girls to smile pic.twitter.com/D8KOEcFAyE

— danchovy (@danchovy) May 3, 2016

I want Hillary but only if Bill has to continue Michelle Obama’s fitness initiatives and dance & do sit ups with kids & feed ’em kale & shit

— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) May 5, 2016

one time ESPN had Air Bud on to do commentary on a basketball game and it was insane pic.twitter.com/bsDd9YPT1q

— Blind Chow (@BlindChow) May 3, 2016

“Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain’t calling. I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom…” pic.twitter.com/bMIUlkbiqf

— Radric Davis Jr (@Ecalevol) May 4, 2016

Was laying in bed & tried to take a sexy picture it looked like I was sad & dying but sent it to him anyway maybe he’ll finally send flowers

— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) May 4, 2016

Ok parents, seriously you have to fucking stop pic.twitter.com/rjKCg7WtsO

— Tugboat (@mattytalks) May 6, 2016

Cookie Monster is probably a sex god if you think about it

— cry (@cyr) May 5, 2016

dont cry because its over. cry because your world is spiraling out of control and you are inching closer and closer to your inevitable death

— Jared Oban (@jaredoban) May 6, 2016

My niece asked me to play House but then she got all upset when I walked around with a limp & sarcastically diagnosed her mysterious illness

— Max Miller (@RuinMyWeek) May 4, 2016

why does this look like the poster to an ABC show about a family hiding the murder of their maid pic.twitter.com/Uqv5XvEDVM

— Elijah Daniel (@aguywithnolife) May 5, 2016

I hate when I don’t hear from a guy because he’s practicing talking to me w his guy friends n they r wearing a wig n talkin n a girl voice

— allison (@allstn) May 3, 2016