Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets compiled for your viewing pleasure. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with yourself. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 10-7-16
SEE YOU IN CHURCH SUNDAY BROTHER pic.twitter.com/4aVIYKDeE8
— Jay Dior (@JayKenMinaj) September 23, 2016
if you can’t handle me at my worst, I really commend and respect you for setting healthy boundaries for yourself!
— steph stone (@stephsstone) October 1, 2016
*18 red flags*
sure why not— Her Tall Boots (@fuzzlime) September 24, 2016
When you post a selfie but no one favs it pic.twitter.com/NHZ7XGO2HE
— ben™ (but spooky) (@benicus_rex) February 26, 2016
— Goth Ms. Frizzle (@spookperson) October 1, 2016
juice demon pic.twitter.com/wLJEwOfPfb
— yung spleen (@softhills) October 2, 2016
Hey kids, wanna eat Olaf’s sweetened innards, like the disgusting little monsters you are? pic.twitter.com/Gk8BLDdqna
— Living Marble (@living_marble) September 14, 2016
I’ve carried chalk in my car for 10 months JUST so i could do this once. Yesterday was the day pic.twitter.com/74A5VNIXJN
— Dunks (@adunkel2016) September 29, 2016
Me: kentuckys new logo looks like two birds banging
911: sir this line is for emergen- wait what
Me: yah turn it sideways
911:…holy shit pic.twitter.com/BnRd89sUgl
— rudy mustang (@roostermustache) October 1, 2016
When autocorrect changes “omw” to “On my way!” pic.twitter.com/0tebzYrLsG
— Lets Be Real (@iadorewomen_) September 21, 2016
[airport]
GF: I guess this is goodbye
ME: I told you, I’m not very good at goodbyes
GF: [crying] Goodbye
ME: [trying real hard] Geebumf
— Mat (@MatCro) August 8, 2016
My new hobby: finding incomprehensible diagrams on office whiteboards and adding alarming conclusions to them pic.twitter.com/7RAzBF0kYh
— /dæn•’slɪ.mən/ (@danslimmon) September 30, 2016
Ok but why do I look like the fucking ride pic.twitter.com/lhbwNPpn6F
— Christine Sydelko (@csydelko) October 3, 2016
So you just bouta sit there and pull out your phone and make a musical.ly while your grandad is dying.. pic.twitter.com/BnTAN7jWy0
— JAY VERSACE (@tharealversace) September 23, 2016
good morning pic.twitter.com/H19bjOKkNg
— darcie (@333333333433333) September 22, 2016
Halloween will be about fucking when your older
(kid nervously takes candy)— 69 IQ Lifecoach (@pr0spector88) October 14, 2014
Thought this nigga died. pic.twitter.com/yCeM7cLT2T
— :bka.Jai:bka_jai (@bka_jai) September 23, 2016
— Jonathan M. Katz (@KatzOnEarth) October 2, 2016
ME: *slams buzzer* MUFFIN FUCKER?
PAT: 1) we don’t have buzzers 2) that doesn’t even fit 3) I’ll give you $20 to leave now
ME: no deal Howie pic.twitter.com/oTa8lCLQIT— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) September 22, 2016
this is the best screensaver cos whenever i get a notification, Kanye holds it up for me pic.twitter.com/W3bpDt82MA
— mb (@michaellbutlerr) September 29, 2016
