Photo: BSIP (Getty)
American teens are growing up in a world where a vaccine exists that will prevent them from getting cancer of the cervix or cock.
They’re also growing up in a world where 57 percent of them don’t give a shit if that happens to them.
That’s right, kids. According to Gizmodo, only 29 percent of 13-year-olds and just 43 percent of American teens have been injected with the HPV vaccine, which is usually given to them in three different doses over the course of six months. Those numbers are sadder than the New York Mets, and they come to us courtesy of the fine folks at Blue Cross Blue Shield.
Perhaps the greatest reason for teenagers to get the HPV vaccine is simply that it makes you immune to HPV, which just so happens to be the most common STD in the United States. And of course, that HPV is related to 31,000 new cancer diagnoses in America every year.
So if you’re still a teenager and haven’t gotten the vaccine, maybe this will help. Imagine we were all born without eyes. A team of doctors come up with this marvelous invention called, well, eyes that will help you see. According to their research, if you get these eyes, you’ll be able to determine the difference between a bowl filled pickles and another bowl filled with dog shit 100 percent of the time. You’d obviously say yes to these “eyes.”
Don’t be a prick to your future wife. Get the vaccine.
