If we were waxing canine companions, we’d likely be talking Lassie to Air Bud but, unfortunately, we’re discussing your demented cat (and more importantly how much it probably hates you). Don’t worry though, it’s not your fault you decided to welcome Satan’s sidekick and make him your closest pal. Since you’re probably going to keep that nightmare on four legs, you might as well accept the fact once and for all that your kitty friend from the pet cemetery despises your very existence … and here’s how we know!
Cover: Cats101 (Getty)
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Your Cat Probably Hates You
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Cat Alarm
What it seems like: Your sweet feline friend just wants to wake you up in the most gentle way possible.
Reality: They're trying to figure out if the cyanide they fed you is kicking in yet.
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The Stare
What it seems like: A loving gesture featuring your furry friend keeping an eye on the person they adore.
Reality: Your pet is actually going through the Rolodex in its head filled with 94 different ways they can annihilate you.
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The Meow
What it seems like: They're trying to get your attention in the cutest way possible.
Reality: They're trying to summon Lucifer by reciting a dark curse.
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Kneading
What it seems like: Just a typical, bizarre hobby that most felines are into.
Reality: They're perfecting how to roll up your body in a carpet.
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Cuddles With Your Pet
What it seems like: Just one adorable pet getting some love from your other adorable pet.
Reality: Your cat is obviously trying to turn your other pets against you, and is plotting with them to end your life.
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Shake Shack Cat
What it seems like: Your fur baby is just adorably dancing for you.
Reality: Your fur baby is constantly reminded how much it wants to send you to the depths of hell, and it is trying to contain itself.
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Bouncing Off the Walls
What it seems like: Just releasing some energy and having fun.
Reality: Just staying fit and agile to chase you down while you scream bloody murder.
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The Leap
What it seems like: Animals just want to see what they're capable of.
Reality: Your pet is practicing leaping out of the darkness for his bloody and violent attack on you.
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The Love Bite
What it seems like: A cute little nibble.
Reality: A little test run on your soon-to-be mangled hand. Your cat will also inform the local feral cats of your delicious taste.
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The Face Demolisher
What it seems like: Your cat has gone ahead with their plan of ending your existence.
Reality: Your cat has gone ahead with their plan of ending your existence.
