After a breakup, somebody inevitably says, “Well, there’s plenty of fish in the sea,” and your response is usually, “Whatever, they’re all dicks.” Well, now you can point to science as proof of this. In a nightmare scenario for all phallophobics, thousands of “dick fish” (aka Urechis caupo, for all of you intellectuals) washed ashore on a California beach. A man named David Ford was taking a midday stroll when he noticed thousands of these veiny members. Not one to be jerked around, Ford immediately got closer to investigate the scene. Listening to his head instead of his heart, Ford picked up one of the fish to take a quick dick(fish) pic. And then the internet exploded.
Ivan Barr, a writer for Bay-Nature, attempted to explain the phenomena while also, much to our collective chagrin, debunking the idea that Lorena Bobbitt went on a serial castration streak. Turns out, these creepy creatures aren’t dick fish at all — they’re actually “fat innkeeper worms.” Somehow, that makes it worse. From now on, any time we go to the beach, we’re gonna keep our heads above water. Both of ’em.
Cover Photo: Kate Montana, iNaturalist
Under the sea: Plastic Pollution in Ocean Proves Sea Creatures Are Absolute Slobs
MORE WEIRD NEWS:
Fatal Blow: Man Dies After Penis-Enlargement Surgery
Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Weird News 11/27/19
-
Pardoned White House Turkeys Named Bread and Butter, Ironically Named After Two Things Trump Will Never Pardon in the Least
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Andrew Caballero-Reynolds, Staff (Getty Images)
-
Immaculate! Catholic Church Investigates Two Nuns Who Went to Africa, Came Back Ungodly Pregnant
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Alex Tihonovs/EyeEm (Getty Images)
-
California Students Receive ID Cards with Sex Hotline Number, Radical New Form of Sex Ed
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Antonio Guillem (Getty Images)
-
Woman Drenched in ‘Hot Diarrhea’ From Homeless LA Man, Gets Authentic Hollywood Experience
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Apostoli Rosella (Getty Images)
-
Man Hides in Street to Teach Girlfriend Not to Walk Home Alone, Lesson Obviously Ends Badly
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Artem Peretiako (Getty Images)
-
Funeral Mourners Get Stoned After Being Served Hash Cake At Restaurant (That’s How He Would Have Wanted to Be Remembered)
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Daniel Schneider (Getty Images)
-
Guess How Much Kanye West Overcharges For Sunday Brunch (Essentially Prison Food Served in a Church)
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Kimberly Kinchen Facebook
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Fisherman Believes He Was Sexually Assaulted by Mermaid, Most Likely an Instagram Influencer
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Stewart Cohen (Getty Images)
-
Kanye West Announces Ridiculous Foam Runner Shoes, Great For Walking on Water (And Running With Trump)
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Kevin Winter (Getty Images)
-
Woman Leaves WorksGiving to Grab Pack of Dinner Rolls, Never Returns
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: LeoPatrizi (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Man Loses Card Game, Sets Winner’s Car on Fire With Him Inside (As You Do)
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Roy McMahon (Getty Images)
-
Not Lovin’ It: South Carolina Man Says He Got High From McDonald’s Sweet Tea, Probably Just Diabetic
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: txking (Getty Images)
