Due to the recent death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, there’s a vacancy on the Supreme Court. President Trump has promised to nominate a woman in her place and news outlets are all abuzz with predictions for her replacement.
In a major fuck-up of our forefathers, there are no specific requirements in the U.S. Constitution for Supreme Court justices – not even a law degree is required. So, since the nominee could potentially be anyone, we let our imaginations run wild on the women Trump might be eyeing (eww) for the position.
Cover Photo: Win McNamee / Staff (Getty Images)
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Justices
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Ann Coulter
This far-right media pundit spews venom and would surely write some scathing dissents while on the Supreme Court. Her most recent controversial statement was that she wants Kyle Rittenhouse, the white teen who was charged with shooting of two anti-racism protesters, to be her president. What could go wrong?
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Ivanka Trump
President Trump's favorite daughter (in the creepiest of ways) is completely unqualified to be on the Supreme Court but she would certainly bring some beauty to what is otherwise an ugly-ass club. Just look how she classed up Goya beans!
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Kellyanne Conway
Trump's former political counselor and dehydrated Barbie can tell a lie with the brightest of smiles. And since her husband is an anti-Trumper, she likely knows how to collaborate (or just argue) with people politically opposed to her. Conway would totally spice up the Supreme Court and be its most media-savvy member.
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Melania Trump
The First Lady will need a new job after the Nov. 3 election (at least, that's our hope). What better way to keep her busy for the next 40 years than schlep her off on the Supreme Court? Maybe she can help redesign those unflattering robes.
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Michele Bachmann
This former congresswoman (and well-known nutcase) is a vocal Trump supporter with sights set on the White House. The Supreme Court probably isn't high-profile enough for her taste, but it'd put her smack in the middle of controversy, where she thrives.
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Phyllis Schlafly
OK, the most prominent opponent to the Equal Rights Amendment is dead, but she'd claw her way out of the grave to nab a seat on the Supreme Court. Maybe we can send Cate Blanchett as Phyllis Schlafly a la Mrs. America in her place?
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Sarah Huckabee Sanders
The former White House press secretary doesn't have much going on these days other than contemplating a run for governor of Arkansas and promoting her (lamely titled) memoir Speaking For Myself. Trump himself said she was "very popular," which sounds like all the qualifications anyone requires to be associated with his administration.
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Sarah Palin
The former governor of Alaska and notorious whackadoodle has experience in the courts -- she's currently suing the New York Times for defamation and is going to trial in February. Given the unpredictable nature of what comes out of her mouth, she'd be an entertaining justice.
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Roseanne Barr
The has-been sitcom star is a staunch Trump supporter and would keep things crassly humorous on the court. We can hear the laugh track now...
