Trump Nearly Rocking Blackface in Rose Garden Speech, Bronzer Starting to Look Like Shoe Polish (The Many Shades of Don Photos)

President Trump really, really wants to convince you that he’s got COVID-19 beat. First, there was his pathetic parade around Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. Then there was his big unmasking when he returned to the White House after his multi-day hospitalization. And the latest stunt to show how superhuman and even allegedly “immune” he is from the third leading cause of death in the U.S.? A video shot from the Rose Garden…with a freakishly dark facial complexion (for a white guy).

Trump likes his bronzer. We’ve always known this. But his usual Cheetos-y hue has turned almost mahogany in a desperate attempt to prove he’s kicked the virus that has plunged the rest of the world into a pandemic.

A MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT! pic.twitter.com/uhLIcknAjT

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 7, 2020

In the video, Trump says that when he went into the hospital, “I wasn’t feeling so hot.” (Were you ever?) He credits Regeneron (which sounds like it belongs in a Terminator movie) along with other unnamed drugs with his rapid recovery. “They call them therapeutic but to me it wasn’t therapeutic. They made me better. I call that a cure.”

OK, (quack) Dr. Trump, don’t get too excited. Anyone who’s on as many drugs as you are is going to feel amazing.

Just because Humpty Dumpty had an entire team of doctors putting him back together doesn’t mean that kind of intense treatment is within reach for the rest of the world. (Must be nice to have the government picking up the tab for all that experimental treatment, though.) And yet, trying to get Trump to acknowledge his insane privilege is as futile an act as trying to get him to be honest.

In his deranged mind, getting coronavirus was a “blessing in disguise” and everyone else afflicted will “get better fast, just like I did.”

Uh-huh. Yeah. OK. Send us a postcard from Never-Never Land.

“I want everybody to be given the same treatment as your president, because I feel great,” he continued. “I feel, like, perfect.”

Now, now, Mr. President. Before you start throwing that adjective around about yourself, maybe consult a dictionary first. Your fake tan, for starters, is far from perfect.

In honor of 45’s ugly mug, we’ve rounded up the many shades of Trump photos. Which hue will he don next?