Meet President Trump’s Spiritual Advisor, Then Watch Her Welcome the Election Angels

Her name is Paula White. She is a preacher and televangelist, an author, and she just so happens to be President Trump’s spiritual advisor. She is the chair of the evangelical advisory board to the president and she, just like her “client” President Trump, is batshit crazy.

We knew this from the beginning. We saw the videos of her praying over the president and we saw her give the invocation at Trump’s inauguration.  But now? Well, now she is at an entirely different level. Recently, in the wake of the turbulent election, Trump needs as much help as he can get. Paula White knows this, so she’s not only calling for God’s help, she’s trying to summon angels from Africa and South America as well. At least, that’s what this video shows her trying to do. We would like to offer more of an explanation but, quite honestly, we don’t know how to.

Y’all! This is Trump’s spiritual adviser. They have literally lost their shit! #WTF pic.twitter.com/OWSlLlqi2k

— Kelly Mantle (@thekellymantle) November 5, 2020

So, she hears the sound of victory. We’re not quite sure what that actually sounds like, but we’re fairly certain it is not going to be reverberating off the walls of the White House in the next few days…at least for President Trump. But man oh man, it’s not for lack of trying. And boy, Paula White is trying. She’s trying really, really hard to invoke God in this campaign. Unfortunately, God, for all intents and purposes, is too busy trying to find a place in Heaven for all the people who died on Trump’s watch.

White, like the many televangelists she no doubt grew up watching, seems to think that prayer should just consist of repeating key phrases (“I hear the sound of victory,” “Africa right now,” etc.) and speaking gibberish. She also likes to wave her hands in the air, like she just don’t care, which makes the whole performance seem like some kind of weird YouTube remix. In fact, we’re surprised somebody hasn’t made a remix already.

Oh wait. Somebody did.

Reeeeemixxxxxxxxxx pic.twitter.com/OvJuazA0Zu

— Dj Suede the Remix god (@Remixgodsuede) November 5, 2020

That was art. Listen — we’re not here to proselytize. We don’t care if you do or do not believe in God. But, if God does exist, we’re pretty sure the last person He/She would vouch for is Donald Trump. So Paula White can beg for angels from Africa, South America, Wakanda and beyond but not one of them is going to intervene on Trump’s behalf. Besides, even if they wanted to, they probably couldn’t even get in.

The angels from Africa summoned by Paula White to prevent Trump’s imminent electoral loss, returning from the US Embassy after their visa application was declined. pic.twitter.com/SsWwqux1fN

— Gimba Kakanda (@gimbakakanda) November 5, 2020

Here’s a longer video, just in case you hate yourself, that also gives a little bit of insight into who White actually is, what she believes, and why, whenever she tries to invoke the name of God, He/She is quick to reply “New phone, who dis?”

Cover Photo: Paula White Facebook

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