A strange phenomenon is currently occurring in the United States. We’re not talking about the weird monolith that appeared (and then disappeared) in the Utah desert or even how a certain orange-hued politician who seems hell-bent on completely dividing the country as he slowly saunters out the door. No, we’re talking about the strange occurrence of people losing their pants in the middle of a fight.
This man pulled up to the In n Out to get in line and get knocked out of his sweatpants ???. Day 1 and the city don't know how to act ? https://t.co/obRqqdzjxv pic.twitter.com/gOINJh0oBp
— ??HONEY NUT BOOTY O's? (@SalvaFlocka) November 20, 2020
We don’t know why it’s happening, but it is. In the last few weeks, pant-less men have battled two times. The first occurred when a 14-hour wait to get food from a new Colorado In-N-Out Burger sparked a fight in which a man was “knocked out of his sweatpants.” More recently, a fight in a Florida WaWa culminated with one of the men throwing down in fisticuffs completely losing his pants and undies.
https://twitter.com/KFCBarstool/status/1331001172291891205
While both of these seem to be inadvertent, we believe that losing your pants might turn out to give you a tactical advantage in a fight. While we’d never condone fighting, below you’ll find our explanations of why someone might be sans pants when it comes time for a brawl. Maybe the Mike Tyson fight would have been different (less boring) if they had employed these tactics.
Photo: YouTube/WPLG
Mouthwash Reportedly Can Kill COVID: Study Says Start Gargling, Sucker
New App Translates Cat Meows: Now Clearly Articulating Just How Much They Despise Your Presence
Visit the Mandatory Shop for great deals on your very own Mandatory merch.
Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
No Pants Fight Tactical Tips
-
Catch them off guard.
If you tear your pants off or have the kind that tear away, you might be able to confuse the person you're fighting enough to catch them off guard. They’ll be so confused that maybe you can get them in a tight headlock or run away before they get their wits about them.
-
Better range of motion.
Pants, especially skinny jeans, can be extremely constrictive. This is especially true in a fight scenario. Being without slacks or stone-washed jeans can give you a much better range of motion. This is important when you’re fighting someone who is much more limber than you.
-
They'll be grossed out.
If you’re a fairly sweaty or hairy (or both) person, getting into a fracas without pants is a true tactical advantage. They’ll be grossed out by the sticky, curly hair-covered gams that they can’t help but touch while they attempt to grapple with you. The odds are they’ll just give up.
-
Better kicking.
Never underestimate a well-timed kick. Plus, the more you kick, the less you’ll get punched in the nose. You can finally use that roundhouse kick you once saw Chuck Norris do and have no idea how to do yourself.
-
Psych them out.
If you want to get in their head and make them think you’re crazy, nothing works like slowly removing your pants the way someone might roll up their sleeves. It’s creepy, anti-social and just might give you the advantage you need.
-
No wind resistance.
While being nude from the waist down offers a better range of motion, it also helps with wind resistance. This is especially helpful when rapidly lumbering away from someone who happens to have fists as large as your head that you mistakenly dumped a whole beer on.
-
Your string broke.
Sometimes it’s not tactical at all. If you’re like many of us, your string broke or you lost it. This is often true when it comes to sweatpants. You’re probably already having trouble holding your pants up. To use both hands for combat, you’ll need to let those bad boys drop.
-
You were never wearing pants in the first place.
The No. 1 game-changer would be the fact that you were never wearing pants. You showed up in short shorts, underoos, or a Speedo and you’re ready to throw down. They’ll be so confused they probably won’t even fight you.
