Meanwhile in Chicago: Road Rager Bites Off More Than He Could Chew (Hint, It’s a Human Body Part)

Driving in your car is one of the most dangerous activities in the world. But mostly because you never know when some deranged lunatic is going to sideswipe you then bite off your nipple in an act of road rage.

Kyle Clark was cruising around Chicago in his Volkswagen Jetta when he accidentally got a little too close to another vehicle occupied by two friends having a nice night out – one of whom happened to be an off-duty police officer.

After Clark fled the scene, the cop caught up with him at a stoplight before ordering him to pull over so they could exchange information (you know, as one does).

But Clark – who had possibly skipped dinner that night and was angry – had something else in mind. Especially after he found out he was dealing with a peace officer.

As the men stepped out of their cars, Clark surprised the cop with two swift punches to the face. That’s when the cop’s bosom buddy jumped in to intervene and somehow got himself into a situation where he came up a nipple short by night’s end.

Obviously, this opens up a whole lot of questions. Was the friend wearing a jacket? Was it double-breasted? Is it possible he was shirtless at the time? Or did Clark bite right through the guy’s puffy vest with the jaw strength of a baboon on angel dust?

Unfortunately, the police officer and his friend have chosen to remain anonymous, leaving the juicy details perilously scant. But one thing is clear: Road rage is a helluva tonic, affecting everyone from teenaged virgins to little old ladies.

And Chicago seems to have a penchant for adding a hint of cannabilism to its road-raging with several reports of people getting body parts bitten off during recent altercations. (True story.)

In the end, though his friend lost a nipple, it could have been far worse. When police arrived on the scene they found a gun inside Clark’s vehicle, so despite Sunday night not going down exactly how the two buds planned, at least they made it home Monday morning with three nipples between them.

Cover Photo: Vincent Besnault (Getty Images)

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