To all those who say there’s no way we evolved from chimps, we say: this story is about to change your mind. That’s because scientists recently discovered an ape who figured out how to use an everyday object for masturbating purposes – potentially a first for this kind of primate.
In a paper titled “Use of a novel human object as a masturbatory tool by a wild male chimpanzee at Bulindi, Uganda,” researchers described how a chimpanzee named Araali used a discarded plastic bottle to pleasure himself. Basically, he made an upcycled, DIY fleshlight to thrust into.
Even the researchers were surprised by these observations.
So, here’s a paper I never thought we’d write: “Use of a novel human object as a masturbatory tool by a wild male chimpanzee at Bulindi, Uganda”https://t.co/pWuxzpDE4i
With fab illustrations by coauthor @KimvanDijk04 pic.twitter.com/n8fRw5ywhm— Bulindi Chimpanzees (@BulindiChimps) September 2, 2021
“For 25 seconds he made pelvic thrusting movements into the bottle, which he had positioned flat on the ground in front of him,” the paper reads. “At times he showed a relaxed open-mouth expression or a ‘play face.’”
While male apes, like their human counterparts, tend to masturbate when there’s a shortage of mates or they’re under stress, Araali appeared to be jerking off just for fun. That’s what makes his behavior unusual – and yet, perfectly relatable.
Here’s a discreet pic of Araali experimenting with his new sex toy. (Imagine your job description including the act of creeping up on, and photographing, a masturbating chimp.)
Sadly, researchers observed that Araali’s effort appeared to be anti-climactic. Give him time, guys. Surely he’s smart enough to figure out a more effective way to get off.
Photos: Bulindi Chimpanzee and Community
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