God bless daycare owners. They spend all day with a facility or home full of sticky-fingered rugrats that are likely prone to screaming, hitting, biting, and shitting themselves, among other unsavory behaviors. It’s a miracle anyone lasts in the childcare business without being severely traumatized. So maybe, just maybe, we can sympathize with a daycare owner who does anything in her power to get those kids to calm the fuck down. Like one childcare provider from Virginia, who apparently laced her charges’ Goldfish crackers with a little THC.
Rebecca Swanner is a 60-year-old daycare center owner. (Or rather, was, because her license is long gone now.) From what police have been able to gather, she laced the childhood snack with the main psychoactive compound in marijuana and fed it to three 1-year-old children. (Naptime must’ve been a dream after that.)
Sometime after picking up the toddlers, their parents became concerned about the kids’ “glassy, bloodshot eyes” and “lethargic and uncoordinated behavior,” not to mention their giggle attacks and severe cases of the munchies (OK, we made those last two up).
It wasn’t until they brought the littles to Stafford Hospital Center that medical staff immediately realized that the toddlers were suffering from THC exposure. Then, authorities linked the trio of kids to their common daycare. A search of the daycare turned up the crackers, which were tested for, and confirmed to be contaminated with, THC.
Swanner was charged with three counts of cruelty and injury to children but was released on a $2,000 unsecured bond. Maybe she can pursue a new career in THC snacks when this is all over — with a slightly more mature demographic. We’d totally gobble up a bag of Goldfish to get high. In fact, why didn’t we think of this first?!
Cover Photo: Snezhana Kudryavtseva (Getty Images)
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