cinco de mayo
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Honest Timelines: Drunk American Failing at Cinco de Mayo

Photo: DNY59 (Getty Images)

Spring is in full swing and that means one thing: Cinco de Mayo is finally here. In our opinion, the boozy, Mexican-based holiday is the unofficial end of gross, rainy spring, and the beginning of bright, warm, sunny spring. Early May, regardless of where you live, is the time of year when everything seems to be in bloom and the grass (if you have any) is starting to have a vibrant, emerald hue. It’s a great time to spend a day outdoors, taking in the sun and drinking Mexican beers, glasses (and shots) of tequila and mezcal, and any number of margaritas, palomas, and other tequila-based cocktails.

The problem with any alcohol-centered holiday (like St. Patrick’s Day) is that, if you have a few too many wobbly pops or shots of mezcal, the day can get away from you quickly. But, regardless of your planning, a few undesirable things are bound to happen. That’s why we decided to make an honest timeline of how your Cinco de Mayo is going to go so you’re at least prepared for the inevitable.

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