Spring is in full swing and that means one thing: Cinco de Mayo is finally here. In our opinion, the boozy, Mexican-based holiday is the unofficial end of gross, rainy spring, and the beginning of bright, warm, sunny spring. Early May, regardless of where you live, is the time of year when everything seems to be in bloom and the grass (if you have any) is starting to have a vibrant, emerald hue. It’s a great time to spend a day outdoors, taking in the sun and drinking Mexican beers, glasses (and shots) of tequila and mezcal, and any number of margaritas, palomas, and other tequila-based cocktails.
The problem with any alcohol-centered holiday (like St. Patrick’s Day) is that, if you have a few too many wobbly pops or shots of mezcal, the day can get away from you quickly. But, regardless of your planning, a few undesirable things are bound to happen. That’s why we decided to make an honest timeline of how your Cinco de Mayo is going to go so you’re at least prepared for the inevitable.
Honest Timeline Cinco
8 AM: You hop out of bed, ready for the great Cinco de Mayo ever.
9 AM: You start with a breakfast beer.
10 AM: You quickly realize you forgot to buy some things.
11 AM: You wait around for your friends.
Noon: Your friends don’t bring anything.
1 PM: You head to a bar and can’t get in.
2 PM: You finally get to a Mexican restaurant.
8 PM: You time travel and spend all of your money.
10 PM: You go to bed wishing you had just gone to work instead.